PERU, IL — Walgreens cashier Brent Hillside took a hiatus from his job this week after dealing with what he described as a strangely emotional customer who began sobbing uncontrollably when he asked him if he was a Walgreens Rewards member.
Babylon Bee
Government Shutdown: Pros And Cons
As the government shutdown continued into its fourth week, Americans from all parts of the country reported experiencing a wide range of feelings about it. While some said it did not affect their lives, others were more stressed.
Animatronic ICE Agents Raid Disneyland’s ‘It’s A Small World’
ANAHEIM, CA — The Disneyland theme park was shut down briefly on Friday following an incident where animatronic ICE agents raided the "It’s a Small World" attraction in search of audio-animatronic dolls that were in the county illegally.
Confused Canadians Show Up To World Series With Sticks, Skates
TORONTO — Preparations for the 2025 World Series got off to a rocky start after the confused players of the Toronto Blue Jays showed up to play with sticks and skates.
King Aragorn Demos Part Of Minas Tirith To Make Way For New Ballroom
MINAS TIRITH — A portion of the White City was reportedly demolished by King Aragorn to make way for a new ballroom, sparking criticism from the city’s nobles and peasantry.
Elderly Lesbian Throuple Turns Out To Be Green Day
OAKLAND, CA — A surprising new report indicated that an elderly lesbian throuple seen out for a walk in a local park this week turned out to actually be the musical group Green Day.
Man Achieves Lifelong Dream Of Being In Boarding Group 2
ATLANTA, GA — Traveler Dale Galveston achieved a lifelong dream of boarding a plane in Boarding Group 2 at the Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport on his way to New York City.
Blue Jays To Start World Series With 7-Run Deficit As Trump Imposes Tariff On Foreign Teams
TORONTO — The American League champions received discouraging news on Friday, as the Toronto Blue Jays were notified that they would start the World Series with a 7-run deficit after President Donald Trump imposed a tariff on foreign baseball teams.
WNBA Players Assure FBI They Weren’t Missing Layups To Throw Games, They Just Suck At Basketball
U.S. — In light of the NBA’s recent gambling scandal, WNBA players assured federal agents that they don’t miss easy layups to throw games, they just suck at basketball.
Serial Killer Unwinds After A Long Day By Listening To His Favorite Podcast About Housewives
DAYTONA BEACH, FL — Local serial killer Lester Carlisle told his friends that there’s nothing he enjoys more than unwinding after a long day by taking a hot bubble bath with a nice drink and his favorite podcast about the lives of housewives.