Babylon Bee
Zillow Adds New Feature For California Homes Showing Whether They Are Currently On Fire
LOS ANGELES, CA — Popular house-purchasing platform Zillow added a new feature this week that helpfully informs users of which houses in Southern California are currently on fire.
Generation That Put Nation $39 Trillion In Debt Condemns Gen Z For Spending Irresponsibly
U.S. — Members of the generation that oversaw putting America $39 trillion in debt gathered in solidarity this week to lecture Gen Z about its reckless financial habits.
Nation Looks Forward To Not Watching Stephen Colbert One Last Time
U.S. — With The Late Show scheduled to end its 33-year run on Thursday night, the nation was looking forward to not watching Stephen Colbert one last time.
White Smoke Rises From Los Angeles, Signaling Karen Bass Is Still Mayor
LOS ANGELES, CA — White smoke was once again seen rising from the city of Los Angeles, signaling that Karen Bass was still mayor.
Politicians Begin Offering Tucker Carlson $1 Million To Not Endorse Them
U.S. — Following news that Senator Thomas Massie had lost his bid for re-election, several politicians have reportedly begun offering media personality Tucker Carlson up to $1 million dollars if he agrees not to endorse them.
Gen Zer Dies Of Starvation After DoorDash Driver Gets Flat Tire
NORFOLK, VA — A member of Generation Z reportedly starved to death while waiting for a DoorDash delivery that would never come, authorities confirmed Wednesday.
Supreme Court To Hear Argument Between Siblings Over Who Called Shotgun
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a groundbreaking case that legal experts predicted would set a historic precedent for generations to come, the United States Supreme Court agreed on Wednesday to hear an argument between siblings over which one of them had called shotgun.
UK Authorities Issue Stern Warning To British People To Stop Being Stabbed By Muslims
LONDON — In the wake of yet another deadly stabbing of a British citizen at the hands of a migrant, authorities in the United Kingdom issued a stern warning to all native residents to stop being stabbed to death by Muslims.
Apostle John Pads Third Letter With Extra-Wide Margins, 37-Point Font
EPHESUS — Struggling to stretch his third letter to the recommended length, the Apostle John cleverly used 1.5-spacing, extra wide margins, and wrote in a generous 22-point font.