MINNEAPOLIS, MN — According to sources, Congresswoman Ilhan Omar gently broke the news to her brother, Ahmed Nur Said Elmi, that it was time for them to start seeing other siblings.
Babylon Bee
Crew Of Starship ‘Enterprise’ Discovers Yet Another New Planet That Looks Shockingly Like Southern California
SPACE — The crew of the USS Enterprise made a surprising discovery after landing on yet another planet that looked shockingly like the landscape of Southern California.
Republicans Vow To Uncover All Somali Fraud And Then Do Nothing About It Except Fundraise
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With allegations of money laundering in Minnesota and other states growing by the day, Republican lawmakers in Washington have vowed to uncover all Somali fraud in Minnesota and then do nothing about it except to fundraise for future elections.
Perfect Day Ruined By People
SALEM, OR — Once again, a perfect day has been ruined by the existence of people.
Is This Minnesota Daycare Actually A Fake Somali Front? Know The Signs
Before you sign your kids up for a daycare in Minnesota, it’s always important to first check if it’s a Somali front for defrauding the government. Here are eight signs to be on the lookout for:
College Football Player Achieves Lifelong Dream Of Playing In Duke’s Mayo Bowl Brought To You By Duke’s Mayo
U.S. — One young student athlete’s years of hard work were finally set to pay off, as a college football player prepared to achieve his lifelong dream of playing in the Duke’s Mayo Bowl brought to you by Duke’s Mayo.
‘Conservatives Want Women In Handmaid’s Tale Outfits,’ Declares Liberal Wearing Hijab
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Democratic Lieutenant Governor Peggy Flanagan donned a full hijab for a press conference where she warned that conservatives want to force women into Handmaid’s Tale outfits.
Exclusive: The Babylon Bee Has Obtained A Copy Of Trump‘s New Year’s Resolutions
It’s the end of December, which means people all over the world are making their lists of New Year’s resolutions for 2026 — and President Donald Trump is no different.
Man Achieves American Dream Of Working Hard And Paying Taxes For 50 Years So He Can Fund Fraudulent Somali Daycares
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Local factory worker Hector Flintstock has been working hard, following the law, saving money, and paying taxes for 50 years, and is finally able to achieve his lifelong retirement dream of funding a fraudulent Somali daycare center.
Planet Fitness Offering Convenient New Two-Week Membership For New Year’s
HAMPTON, NH — As millions resolve to briefly get back in shape, Planet Fitness announced a convenient new two-week gym membership just in time for the New Year’s holiday.