WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what supporters are calling "the most popular executive action since bringing back the McRib," President Donald Trump signed an executive order Thursday formally authorizing citizens to shoot obnoxious hooligans on those motorized bikes.
Babylon Bee
Blasphemous Bible App Claims To Have Update For King James Version
U.S. — A Bible application for mobile devices was blacklisted by members of several evangelical denominations after its developer claimed to release a new "update" for the King James Version.
Republicans Smear Popular Progressive Candidate Just Because He’s A Clone Of Hitler
PORTLAND, ME — Popular progressive candidate Arnold Henry swept through the Democratic primary and excited left-leaning Democrats — with many even talking presidential prospects in 2028 — but Republicans have shifted into overdrive, smearing Henry because of his past, mainly focusing on the fact that Henry is a…
Man On Day Seven Of Doing 15-Minute Task
LOS ANGELES — Alan Maxwell recently entered day seven of a simple task that would take most normal adults no more than 15 minutes to complete.
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Frustrated members of the Democratic Party expressed exasperation today, as their effort to retake control of the United States Congress was once again thwarted by the existence of laws.
10 Shocking Revelations From The Declassified UFO Files
In a long-anticipated move, the U.S. government finally released a trove of previously classified files about UFOs and the search for extraterrestrial life.
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — A newly released batch of classified government documents revealed aliens had already been present for many years, and they’ve been actively defrauding the Minnesota government out of an estimated $20 billion.
‘I Am Your Father,’ Reveals Trump To Horrified Mark Hamill
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Donald Trump called an impromptu press conference in front of the White House this week to deliver a life-changing message to actor Mark Hamill, revealing that he was, in reality, the actor’s father.
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
RICHMOND, VA — In the wake of the Virginia Supreme Court striking down the commonwealth’s redrawn voting map, Democrats proposed a new measure that just makes it illegal for Republicans to vote.
9 Best Times To Watch ‘The Fellowship Of The Ring’
Peter Jackson’s The Fellowship of the Ring is among the best films ever made, but it’s long. Clocking in at almost three hours for the theatrical release (3h 48m for the extended edition), it’s hard to know when the best time to watch it is. Fortunately, we’ve got…