U.S. — The United States is reportedly on edge following a leaked report that indicated an American soldier placed a $50,000 bet on Polymarket predicting that President Donald Trump would nuke Iran.
Babylon Bee
Evangelical Church Architect Fired For Suggesting Steeple
OKLAHOMA CITY, OK — A local architect contracted to design the new location for First Testimony Crosspointe Church was reportedly fired and escorted from the construction site after suggesting the building include a steeple.
Sweet: Free Couch
Whoa, man. Check it out: That’s a free couch sitting on the side of the road there. Not a chair. Not a love seat. A whole friggin’ couch.
New Evidence Reveals Judas Received His 30 Pieces Of Silver From The SPLC
JERUSALEM — In a surprising new discovery that coincides with recent news headlines, biblical scholars confirmed that Judas Iscariot likely received his 30 pieces of silver from the Southern Poverty Law Center.
10 Amazing Organizations Funded By The SPLC
For decades, the folks at the Southern Poverty Law Center have done far more than just advocacy. The group has also generously donated millions of dollars to support carefully vetted organizations that are likewise committed to the causes of tolerance and justice.
Gavin Newsom Admits He Really Doesn’t Want To Be President, He Just Wants To Leave California
SACRAMENTO, CA — Governor Gavin Newsom finally admitted today that he has no real desire to become President of the United States and is actually just looking for an excuse to leave California.
Democrats: Saving Democracy Requires One Party To Seize Total Power And Rule Forever
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Washington Democrats defended their unquenchable thirst for unlimited power on Thursday, confirming that saving democracy requires one party to seize total power and rule forever.
Trump Admin Moves To Legalize Marijuana For Those With A Medical Need Or Anyone Having To Fly On Spirit Airlines
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Trump administration announced on Thursday that it would be proposing the legalization of marijuana for anyone with medical needs or anyone who has to fly on a Spirit Airlines flight.
Nation Excitedly Gathers For Annual Tradition Of Seeing Whose Career Will Be Killed By Cleveland Browns
U.S. — In what has become one of America’s most cherished annual traditions, a giddy nation will gather around its televisions this evening to see which young man will have his career killed by the Cleveland Browns.
NFL To Utilize Hogwarts’ Sorting Hat For This Year’s Draft
PITTSBURGH, PA — In a stark change from decades of tradition, the National Football League announced that, rather than the standard method of having each team select its preferred prospects, it would now utilize Hogwarts’ Sorting Hat for this year’s draft.