GAZA — Amid recent explosions of left-wing terrorism around the country, Hamas issued a rare public statement this morning to ask Democrats to please tone down the violence a little bit.
Babylon Bee
8 New Pictures Added To The Presidential Walk Of Fame
President Trump created a buzz yesterday by updating the White House’s Presidential Walk of Fame for historical accuracy, beginning with replacing President Joe Biden’s portrait with that of the autopen that did all his work for him.
Ammo Company Unveils New Giant Shell Casing With More Room For Left-Wing Terrorists To Write Out All Their Motives In Detail
U.S. — In a move to capitalize on the current heightened volatility of the political climate, one ammunition manufacturer unveiled a new giant shell casing with more room for left-wing terrorists to write out all their motives in detail.
Hillary Says We All Must Stop Pointing Fingers, As We All Know The Republicans Are To Blame
NEW YORK, NY — While appearing on MSNBC’s Morning Joe, former Secretary of State and First Lady Hillary Clinton called for unity amidst the onslaught of political violence, saying, "We must all stop pointing fingers, as we all know the Republicans are to blame."
7 Ways To Instantly Become More Attractive And Youthful Looking
People are always asking us: how do the writers at the Bee stay so hot and youthful? We decided to do the world a favor and give everyone a few tips on how you too can instantly become more attractive:
More Winning: Trump To Demolish UN Building And Replace With UFC Arena
NEW YORK — Trump’s Tuesday speech at the United Nations Headquarters in Midtown Manhattan will officially be his last as he has announced plans to demolish the building and replace it with a tremendous UFC Arena.
Holy Spirit Patiently Waiting For Key Change
TOPEKA, KS — As the congregation of Redeemer Church sang "Great Are You Lord", the Holy Spirit patiently waited for the key change to hit before moving through the congregation.
Nation Resets ‘Days Since Leftist Terrorist Attack’ Counter Back To Zero
U.S. — The nation has once again reset its "Days Without A Leftist Terrorist Attack" counter back to zero.
Logo Update: Democrat Donkey Now Holding Sniper Rifle
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an update to make the party’s longtime insignia more accurate in reflecting its modern platform and constituency, Democrats unveiled a new logo featuring a donkey holding a sniper rifle.
Kamala Does Speaking Tour To Remind Nation Why Trump Is President
U.S. — With President Donald Trump’s approval ratings showing signs of decline, former Vice President Kamala Harris dutifully stepped forward to launch a speaking tour to remind the nation why Trump was elected president.