AUSTIN, TX — Following an announcement that Infowars would soon be converted into a satirical news outlet, American media personality Alex Jones, known for his fringe conspiracy theories related to the Sandy Hook school shooting and homosexual frogs, expressed concern that people would start to think the stories…
Babylon Bee
Cyclists Shocked, Dismayed To Learn Vehicles Also Allowed To Use Roads
U.S. — Few things can perturb bicyclists, the carefree pedalers who move only slightly faster than a human can run, except for one thing: something getting in the way of their bicycling. That’s why they’ve expressed shock and dismay to find something else using their roads: cars.
Ayatollah Agrees To Surrender But Only If JD Vance Wears This Cute Sailor Outfit
ISLAMABAD — In a stunning breakthrough in the ongoing peace negotiations, Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei agreed to a full surrender on the condition that Vice President JD Vance dresses up in "a very cute sailor outfit, preferably with the hat."
Tim Cook To Be Replaced By Tim Cook Pro Max 17
CUPERTINO, CA — Apple announced on Monday that longtime CEO Tim Cook would be stepping down from his role at the company and would be replaced by Tim Cook Pro Max 17, effective September 1.
39-Year Old Man Considering Career Change To Astronaut
LOS ANGELES, CA — Sources disclosed that a 39-year-old man named Jordan Benson was reportedly considering a career change to become an astronaut after seeing that mankind is going back to the moon and possibly even Mars.
Mamdani Orders Visiting Teams To Redistribute Some Of Their Runs To The Mets
NEW YORK, NY — In a bold new effort to address what he referred to as "run inequality," Mayor Zohran Mamdani ordered that a percentage of runs scored by each visiting MLB team be redistributed to the struggling New York Mets.
Trump Promises To Learn From His Mistakes As Soon As He Does Something Wrong
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Facing increased criticism over the ongoing conflict with Iran, President Donald Trump promised to learn from his mistakes just as soon as he did something wrong.
Mamdani, Obama Treat Preschoolers To Reading Of ‘The Communist Manifesto’
NEW YORK, NY — Former President Barack Obama and current New York City Mayor Zorhan Mamdani delighted preschool students this week by taking turns reading passages from the Communist Manifesto.
Dave Ramsey To Host New ‘Temptation Island’ Where Young Couples Are Enticed By High-Interest Credit Cards
U.S. — The Fox Network announced on Monday that financial guru Dave Ramsey would be the host of a revamped Temptation Island, which will follow several young couples as they are enticed by payday loans and high-interest credit cards.
NATO Leaders Announce They Are Now Ready And Willing To Assist The U.S. With The War In Vietnam
BRUSSELS — NATO leaders gathered at their headquarters on Monday to officially announce that they had finally completed internal deliberations and were now fully prepared to commit troops, weapons, and logistical support to assist the United States in its war in Vietnam.