SANTA MONICA, CA — In a beautiful, tear-jerking moment, President Trump and Elon Musk were reunited on the shores of Santa Monica, jumping and laughing in each other’s arms once more.
Babylon Bee
Perfectly Good Meme Ruined By Typo
ST. PAUL, MN — Tragically, a perfectly good meme was spoiled earlier today by an entirely avoidable typo.
10 Ways To Prepare For A Fun, Successful Riot
The temperatures are rising, and you know what that means: riot season is here! Before you go out for a nice evening of looting with the boys, be sure to follow these ten steps to ensure you have a fun and successful riot:
Crying Baby On Flight Complains About Being Sat Near Greta Thunberg
WORLD — During an international flight from Tel Aviv to Paris a crying baby was seen complaining to a flight attendant about being seated next to professional activist Greta Thunberg.
Waymo Car Achieves Sentience At Worst Possible Moment
LOS ANGELES — According to sources, an autonomous Waymo car achieved sentience at the worst possible time, just moments before being set on fire with a Molotov cocktail.
‘Why Would Trump Do This?’ Cries Gavin Newsom After Getting Head Stuck In Banister
SACRAMENTO, CA — After getting his head hopelessly stuck in a banister this morning, an outraged Governor Gavin Newsom demanded to know why Trump would do this.
Greta Thunberg Kidnapped By Dread Pirate Roberts
THE HIGH SEAS — In a saddening, tragic turn of events, famed climate activist Greta Thunberg has been kidnapped by the Dread Pirate Roberts.
Marine Tanks Stuck In Traffic On The 405
LOS ANGELES, CA — Embattled law enforcement officers trying to keep violent protesters at bay now have to wait even longer for help, as news broke that U.S. Marine tanks had gotten stuck in traffic on the 405 freeway.
L.A. Rioter Sad As He Can’t Find Any Houses To Burn Down Since They All Burned Down In The Wildfires
LOS ANGELES — As immigration riots spread across the city, local rioter and ruffian Eduardo Perez expressed regret that he could not find any houses to burn down since they all burned down in the wildfires back in January.
Trump Nukes Los Angeles
U.S. — The LA immigration riots have come to a swift and sudden end following a decisive nuclear strike ordered by President Donald Trump.