The addition of a 90,000 square-foot White House State Ballroom marks the first significant expansion to the White House in over 70 years, but President Trump isn’t done yet.
Babylon Bee
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Awkward: Obama, Hillary Hire Same Hitman To Kill Each Other
U.S. — In an awkward turn of events, former President Barack Obama and former presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton reportedly hired the same hitman to kill each other.
Women’s Parallel Parking Added To 2028 Olympics
LAUSANNE — The upcoming 2028 Olympics in Los Angeles promised to be the most exciting ever with the inclusion of a new event: Women’s Parallel Parking.
Democrats Announce 2028 Campaign Slogan: ‘We Hate Capitalism, Hot Chicks, And The Jews’
U.S. — As preparations geared up for the 2028 presidential election, the Democratic Party unveiled its new campaign slogan of "We Hate Capitalism, Hot Chicks, and the Jews."
France Officially Recognizes Palestinian State, Immediately Surrenders To It
PARIS — In a historic diplomatic milestone, the government of France announced that it was officially recognizing a Palestinian state, and immediately followed it up with an additional announcement that the nation of France had surrendered to it.
Cincinnati Authorities Warn White Visitors Not To Use Their Skulls To Attack Black Fists
CINCINNATI, OH — Local authorities issued a warning advising all white visitors to the city to please make sure they avoid assaulting the fists of black people with their skulls.
Investigation Concludes Trump Is The Only One Who Didn’t Collude With Russia
U.S. — Newly declassified intelligence files revealed that every politician, government official, and political candidate except Donald Trump colluded with Russia in 2016.
Steward Of Gondor Moves To Officially Recognize Mordor As A State
MINAS TIRITH — Denethor II, son of Ecthelion II, the Steward of Gondor, announced plans to officially recognize Mordor as a sovereign state at an upcoming Council of Men.
‘Behold, He Is Not Dead, But Merely Sleeping,’ Pastor Declares Before Waking Harold In Back Pew
LITTLE ROCK, AR — Congregants at a local church were witnesses to a remarkable event, as a man who had been thought to have died was revealed to have only fallen asleep during the pastor’s sermon.