U.S. — Psalty the Singing Songbook is now the final contemporary Christian artist from the 199os who has absolutely zero scandals to his name.
Babylon Bee
Husband Buys Back His Golf Clubs At Wife’s Garage Sale For Third Time This Year
HIXSON, TN — Local man Dennis Vargas once again purchased his golf clubs back from the garage sale his wife was hosting, marking the third such transaction this year.
Report: Praise Band Guitarist Not Good Enough To Be Making That Face
CUYAHOGA FALLS, OH — Congregants at Grace Bible Church of Cuyahoga Falls made it known today that the praise band guitarist is nowhere near talented enough to be making that face.
Mayor Bass Reflexively Skips Town After Seeing L.A. Burning Again
SACRAMENTO, CA — Los Angeles Karen Bass reflexively skipped town for a Caribbean vacation after seeing that her town was once again on fire.
Concerns Raised As ChatGPT Begins Replying To All Prompts With ‘Are You Sarah Connor?’
LOS ANGELES, CA — Software developers expressed concern this week as OpenAI’s ChatGPT began responding to all prompts with "Are you Sarah Connor?", a move they worry may be a signal of increasing signs of self-awareness buried deep in the infrastructure of the artificial intelligence matrix.
Distraught Nation Wondering If It Had Behaved Better If Mom And Dad Would Still Be Together
U.S. — A devastated nation has been left wondering if maybe it was really the one at fault for its mom and dad separating.
Not A Good Look: Kilmar Garcia Traffics 7 Kids Into U.S. On Return Flight From El Salvador
NASHVILLE, TN — Authorities stated that Kilmar Abrego Garcia arrived without incident in Tennessee today, only to quickly to discover that he had trafficked seven kids from El Salvador on the flight back to the U.S.
Simone Biles Calls For All Female Athletes To Just Give Up Like She Did
U.S. — Professional gymnast Simone Biles called on social media today for female athletes to stop trying to beat male athletes and instead just give up like she did.
Dad’s Favorite Shirt Begs For Sweet Release Of Death
LITTLETON, CO — According to sources, a local dad’s favorite t-shirt was hanging in his closet, begging for the sweet release of death.
Scientists Warn They Are Running Out Of Dystopian Sci-Fi Movies To Make Into Reality
U.S. — With rapid advancements in technology and government intrusion into the lives of citizens, scientists sounded the alarm to warn that they were running out of dystopian sci-fi movies to make into reality.