AUGUSTA, ME — The state of Maine has recently continued its struggle for equity by suing the federal government to allow Sasquatch to continue competing in women’s sports.
Babylon Bee
10 People We’d Like To Launch Into Space
Sorry Excuse For A Church Only Has One Service LOOOOOOOOL
RALEIGH, NC — Evangelical churchgoers in the Raleigh area have begun to notice that there is a sorry excuse for a church in town that only has one service. This has led to many people in the area pointing and laughing at Living Word Baptist Church as they…
Biden Gives Powerful Speech Reminding Nation Why He’s No Longer President
CHICAGO, IL — Former President Joe Biden delivered a heartfelt address reminding the nation precisely why he is no longer President.
Harvard Awards Honorary Degree To Man Who Firebombed Governor Shapiro’s House
CAMBRIDGE, MA — In a beautiful ceremony today, Harvard University bestowed an honorary degree to the pro-Hamas activist Cody Balmer, who firebombed Governor Josh Shapiro’s home.
‘A Woman Is An Adult Human Female’ Rules U.K. Judge That Looks Suspiciously Like Matt Walsh In A Powdered Wig
LONDON — As the United Kingdom’s Supreme Court Judge issued a landmark ruling that "a woman" is defined as "an adult human female", onlookers could not help but notice that the judge looked suspiciously like Matt Walsh in a powdered wig.
9 Loopholes To Help You Avoid Paying Taxes
It’s that time of year again when everyone lets the government steal from them in the form of "taxes." But what if there were some easy tricks to avoid paying taxes altogether?
California Mandates Homeowners Install Wheelchair Ramps On Porches For Disabled Burglars
SACRAMENTO, CA — In a landmark initiative praised by advocates as a sign of tremendous progress for the handicapped community, the state of California mandated that homeowners install wheelchair ramps on all porches for disabled burglars.
Harvard Warns Loss Of Federal Funding Will Cripple Their Ability To Find A Final Solution To The Jewish Problem
CAMBRIDGE, MA — In the wake of the Trump administration freezing $2.3 billion in federal funding to Harvard University, leaders of the university are sounding the alarm that the loss of funding will severely cripple their ability to find a final solution to the Jewish Problem.
10 Reasons Women Make Better Astronauts Than Men
Though men were the first to reach for the stars, science has proven definitively that women are far better suited to the task. Consider the evidence.