KYOTO, JAPAN — Nintendo of Japan announced Monday that the next mainline entry in the bestselling Super Mario series will just be a an animated GIF of Mario saying "Wahoo!" and will retail for $2,500.
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Trump Responds To Mostly Peaceful Protests With Mostly Peaceful Military
LOS ANGELES, CA — According to sources, President Trump responded to fiery but mostly peaceful protests in the City of Angels by activating the mostly peaceful National Guard.
Zacchaeus Insists He Was Actually 5’7″ Which Is Close To The Median Height For Males
JERICHO — Local tax collector Zacchaeus is insisting he has been represented by several local news accounts as being "of short stature" when he’s actually 5′ 7", which is pretty close to the median height for males.
Illegals Help Film Republican Presidential Campaign Commercial
LOS ANGELES, CA — The Republican Party expressed gratitude to a local group of illegal immigrants who helped film some commercials for the next presidential campaign.
Psalty The Songbook Last Remaining ’90s Christian Artist With Zero Scandals
U.S. — Psalty the Singing Songbook is now the final contemporary Christian artist from the 199os who has absolutely zero scandals to his name.
Husband Buys Back His Golf Clubs At Wife’s Garage Sale For Third Time This Year
HIXSON, TN — Local man Dennis Vargas once again purchased his golf clubs back from the garage sale his wife was hosting, marking the third such transaction this year.
Report: Praise Band Guitarist Not Good Enough To Be Making That Face
CUYAHOGA FALLS, OH — Congregants at Grace Bible Church of Cuyahoga Falls made it known today that the praise band guitarist is nowhere near talented enough to be making that face.
Mayor Bass Reflexively Skips Town After Seeing L.A. Burning Again
SACRAMENTO, CA — Los Angeles Karen Bass reflexively skipped town for a Caribbean vacation after seeing that her town was once again on fire.
Concerns Raised As ChatGPT Begins Replying To All Prompts With ‘Are You Sarah Connor?’
LOS ANGELES, CA — Software developers expressed concern this week as OpenAI’s ChatGPT began responding to all prompts with "Are you Sarah Connor?", a move they worry may be a signal of increasing signs of self-awareness buried deep in the infrastructure of the artificial intelligence matrix.
Distraught Nation Wondering If It Had Behaved Better If Mom And Dad Would Still Be Together
U.S. — A devastated nation has been left wondering if maybe it was really the one at fault for its mom and dad separating.