WASHINGTON, D.C. — As part of a growing outcry over Trump’s immigration policy, Democrats warned that deporting an illegal terrorist family could be a slippery slope to deporting other illegal terrorist families.
Babylon Bee
USS Harvey Milk To Be Renamed ‘USS No Homo’
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The United States Navy announced this morning that the USS Harvey Milk will be officially renamed the USS No Homo.
The Lord Strengthens Elon One Last Time To Push Pillars Of Congress Over And Bring Government Crashing Down
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a merciful miracle, the Spirit of the Lord strengthened Elon one last time to push the pillars of Congress over, bringing the government crashing down.
10 Dating Red Flags Women Should Look Out For
The dating scene is tough these days. With everyone using dating apps to meet and hook up, it’s important for women to be careful about the guys they choose.
Man Unable To Lose Weight Considers Adding Second Push-Up To Workout Routine
MILWAUKEE, WI — Frustrated with how slowly he’s been losing weight, 42-year-old Jack Brenson has started considering adding a second push-up to his weekly workout routine.
Hamas Agrees To Surrender If Europe Will Take Greta Thunberg Back
GAZA — The tables were turned on the infamous terrorist organization today, with horrified Hamas agreeing to a full and unconditional surrender to Israel if Europe would agree to take Greta Thunberg back.
Rockies Rewarded For 10th Win With Pizza Party At Chuck E. Cheese
DENVER, CO — Staff at a local Colorado Chuck E. Cheese were recently overrun by a horde of whooping, excited Rockies players eager to celebrate the team’s 10th win.
Adventure Party Wanted For Genociding Local Town’s Endangered Giant Rat Population
FLORINSHIRE — Wanted posters have gone up all over the land calling for the arrest of an adventure party responsible for the genocide of a local village’s endangered giant rat population.
Trump Agrees To End Tariffs On China In Exchange For Their Kung Fu Masters Teaching Him The Death Touch
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Tensions from the ongoing trade war showed signs of potentially easing up, with President Donald Trump agreeing to end tariffs on China in exchange for their Kung Fu masters teaching him the "Death Touch."
10 Out Of 10 Therapists Recommend Rolling Truck Window Down To Let Your Arm Get A Little Sun
U.S. — Welcome news greeted stressed-out Americans today, as results of a new survey indicated that 10 out of 10 therapists recommended rolling your truck window down to let your arm get a little sun.