SPACE, THE FINAL FRONTIER — The exploration of other strange, new worlds and the seeking out of new life and new civilizations hit an unexpected snag this week, as Starfleet’s newest vessel was reportedly unable to reach warp speed because the crew was too fat.
Babylon Bee
Listen Up, Ladies! Here Are 9 Beauty Tips To Help You Attract A Hunky Conservative Dude
Every woman wants a hunky, conservative dude to marry. The hard part is knowing how to attract them.
Listen Up, Ladies! Here Are 8 Beauty Tips To Help You Attract A Hunky Conservative Dude
Every woman wants a hunky, conservative dude to marry. The hard part is knowing how to attract them.
NATO Begs U.S. For Emergency Funding So They Can Defend Greenland From U.S.
BRUSSELS — Amid the looming threat of a U.S. military takeover of Greenland, NATO requested emergency aid from the U.S. to help it defend Greenland from the U.S.
Progressive Researchers Claim They Are 15-20 Years From Finding Out What A Woman Is
U.S. — Progressive researchers working with the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU ) said they were only a mere 15-20 years away from finding out what a woman is.
Ominous Sign? New Army Recruitment Ads Say ‘Visit Lovely Greenland’
U.S. — In yet another potentially ominous sign that President Donald Trump was dead-set on the United States acquiring the territory for strategic and national security purposes, new U.S. Army recruitment ads offered prospective enlistees the opportunity to "Visit Lovelty Greenland."
Tucker Carlson Amazed At How Clean And Well-Run The Murdering Of Iranian Protestors Is
U.S. — After watching the news of the Iranian government executing tens of thousands of protestors, political commentator Tucker Carlson expressed amazement at how clean and well-run the murders were.
Democrats Respond To RFK With New Food Pentagram
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In response to the new food pyramid released Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Democrats have released an alternative food pentagram.
Trump Airdrops ‘Make Iran Great Again’ Hats To Help Iranian Protesters
TEHRAN — As Iranian protestors were shot dead in the streets, President Trump made good on his promise to come to their aid by having thousands of "Make Iran Great Again" hats airdropped all over the country.
Bill Clinton Says He’ll Gladly Testify On Epstein Case Just As Soon He Gets Back From This Cool Island
NEW YORK, NY — According to filings to the Federal Court of the southern district of New York, former President Bill Clinton says he will gladly testify on the Epstein case just as soon as he gets back from this really cool island.