LONDON, UK — In the wake of the swift capture and extradition of Venezuelan dictator Nicolas Maduro, millions of ordinary British citizens have asked if Trump could please come do that same thing with Prime Minister Keir Starmer.
Babylon Bee
Man’s High School Hacky Sack Skills Woefully Underprepared Him For Adult Life
SAN JOSE, CA — Local man Jeremy Gibbons’ incredible hacky sack skills have somehow left him woefully unprepared for adult life.
Sad: This Man Didn’t Check The News For One Hour And Missed The Entirety Of World War III
SPOKANE, WA — Local man Travis Barnes sadly failed to check his phone for one hour, missing out on the entirety of World War III.
Aides Tell Disappointed Trump That Maduro And Mamdani Are Different People
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump was crushed today when aides informed him that Maduro and Mamdani are, in fact, different people.
Classic: Trump Has Delta Force Operators Tell Maduro ‘You’re Fired’
CARACAS — In a classic Trump move, the President ordered the Delta Force operators who captured Venezuelan dictator Nicolas Maduro to say "You’re fired" upon deposing him.
Democrats Confused Why Venezuelans Cheering Downfall Of Nice, Warm Collectivism
U.S. — Bewildered Democrats watched in utter confusion today as Venezuelans cheered the downfall of warm, cozy collectivism.
Sad: Ilhan Omar Tells Brother It’s Time They Start Seeing Other Siblings
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — According to sources, Congresswoman Ilhan Omar gently broke the news to her brother, Ahmed Nur Said Elmi, that it was time for them to start seeing other siblings.
Crew Of Starship ‘Enterprise’ Discovers Yet Another New Planet That Looks Shockingly Like Southern California
SPACE — The crew of the USS Enterprise made a surprising discovery after landing on yet another planet that looked shockingly like the landscape of Southern California.
Republicans Vow To Uncover All Somali Fraud And Then Do Nothing About It Except Fundraise
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With allegations of money laundering in Minnesota and other states growing by the day, Republican lawmakers in Washington have vowed to uncover all Somali fraud in Minnesota and then do nothing about it except to fundraise for future elections.
Perfect Day Ruined By People
SALEM, OR — Once again, a perfect day has been ruined by the existence of people.