NEW YORK CITY — Mayor Zohran Mamdani has ordered all flags at One World Trade Center to be flown at half-staff to mourn the death of Ayatollah Khamenei.
Babylon Bee
Ayatollah To Give Speech As Soon As Officials Find The Rest Of His Body
TEHRAN — Iranian officials have promised that Ayatollah Khamenei will give a speech just as soon as they have located the rest of his body.
Iranian Generals Kicking Themselves For Not Just Meeting Over Zoom
TEHRAN — Iranian military leaders are reportedly "really kicking themselves" for not just having their latest meeting over zoom.
Tucker Carlson Sneaks Into U.S. Military Hangar To Slash The Tires On All The B-2 Bombers
U.S. — The Pentagon released a statement on Friday confirming a security breach by political commentator Tucker Carlson, who they said broke into a military hangar with the intent to slash the tires of all the Northrop B-2 Spirit bombers ahead of a perceived strike against Iran.
10 Amazing Perks Of Becoming A Catholic
There may be a bias toward Protestantism here, but being Catholic has its perks, too (reportedly). A delegation from The Babylon Bee flew out to Rome to meet with the College of Cardinals to find out the best reasons to be Catholic.
Hillary Clinton Says She Only Recalls Meeting Epstein That One Time When She Murdered Him
CHAPPAQUA, NY — While being questioned at the Chappaqua Performing Arts Center on Thursday, Hillary Clinton reportedly informed the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform that she only recalled meeting Jeffrey Epstein that one time when she murdered him.
Bill Clinton Tells Epstein Committee It Depends On What The Definition Of ‘Child Trafficking’ Is
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former president and axophone player Bill Clinton testified to members of Congress today that his answer to their questions depended on what the definition of "child trafficking" is.
Tesla Unveils Self-Driving Little Tikes Cozy Coupe
U.S. — Tesla announced on Friday that it had entered an agreement to create a joint venture with Little Tikes to bring Full Self-Driving to the Cozy Coupe.
Genius Dad Joins TikTok, Causing Teenage Daughter To Think It’s Lame
ST. GEORGE, UT — Local dad Sam Weaver struck a fatal blow against his teenage daughter’s obsession with TikTok on Thursday by joining it himself, therefore rendering it uncool.
Cruel: Trump Admin Strips Funding From Gas-Station Daycare Center With 20,000 Students
SHOREVIEW, MN — In the latest in a long line of cruel, heartless atrocities it has committed, the Trump administration has just stripped federal funding from a gas station daycare center with 20,000 students.