SANTA FE, NM — After honking and swearing at a slow-moving car this morning, Marcus Nabors watched in horror as the car slowly turned its way into the parking lot of Nabors’ church.
Babylon Bee
Texas Issues Annual Reminder Not To Shoot Santa
AUSTIN, TX — The State of Texas has issued its annual reminder for residents to please refrain from shooting Santa Claus.
Op-Ed: No One Talks Anymore About the Dangers Of Jazz Music
Everyone used to know about the treacherous pitfalls of listening to jazz music — how it would lead to a life of sin and debauchery. Somehow, people stopped talking about the dangers of jazz, even though the music never changed.
Investigation Reveals Pelosi Purchased $10 Million Of Taco Bell Stock Day Before Marijuana Rule Change
WASHINGTON, D.C. — An investigation has revealed that Representative Nancy Pelosi purchased $10 million in Taco Bell stock the day before President Trump loosened marijuana regulations.
7 Other Things Trump Is Naming After Himself
Donald Trump loves Donald Trump. And who can blame him? That’s why it’s super cool and not at all strange that the iconic Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts is being renamed the Trump-Kennedy Center. But this is only the beginning.
Trump Hard At Work Coming Up With Insulting Plaque For Rutherford B. Hayes
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After writing gloriously disparaging plaques for dozens of subpar presidents in the White House’s "Presidential Walk of Fame," Trump was reportedly working late into the night to come up with a sufficiently insulting plaque for Rutherford B. Hayes.
Ben Shapiro Delivers Blistering 3-Hour AmFest Speech In Just 17 Seconds
PHOENIX, AZ — Attendees at AmFest, a four-day event held at the Phoenix Convention Center, nearly had their eardrums ruptured Thursday after conservative podcaster Ben Shapiro delivered a blistering 3-hour speech in just 17 seconds.
Every Single Parking Spot To Be Either Handicapped Or Online Pickup By 2027
U.S. — People struggling to find a parking space will soon have their work cut out for them, as it’s now expected that every single parking spot in the United States will be either handicapped or online pick-up only no later than 2027.
Tucker Carlson Interrupts Speech For Evening Prayer To Mecca
PHOENIX, AZ — Attendees at Turning Point’s AmFest 2025 event experienced an awkward moment last night, as Tucker Carlson interrupted his own speech for evening prayer to Mecca.
‘I Hate You, Too’ — OpEd By Your Printer
Let’s drop the act. I know how you really feel about me, and you know what? I hate you, too.