ROCKVILLE, MD — Hantavirus has quickly become the biggest viral threat to humanity since COVID and as luck would have it, Dr. Fauci has announced that he has been working on a hantavirus vaccine this entire time. How convenient!
Babylon Bee
Ew, A Gross Disgusting Bug — What, Why Did You Kill It, YOU MONSTER! — Op-Ed By Wife
You won’t believe what my husband just did. There was this horrible looking bug — I don’t know what it was, but it had LEGS and a BODY and I swear it was going to maybe crawl on me. It was in the garage, but it could have…
Trump Unveils Plans To Turn Reflecting Pool Into Humongous Water Park
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Liberals across the nation were horrified as Trump turned the Lincoln Memorial’s Reflecting Pool into the largest water amusement park east of the Mississippi.
Goodyear Blimp Barely Recognizable After Going On Ozempic
CARSON, CA — The famous Goodyear Blimp has become nearly unrecognizable after starting the popular weight-loss drug Ozempic.
‘There, It Couldn’t Be More Clear,’ Announces John After Finishing Revelation
PATMOS — The Apostle John emerged from his cave earlier this week feeling confident that he couldn’t have been more clear in his description of the revelation he’d received.
Three Republicans Thrown Into Fiery Furnace For Not Bowing Down To Trump Statue
MAR-A-LAGO, FL — Three Republicans refused to bow to the golden Trump statue at Mar-A-Lago, sources confirmed today. Those at the unveiling had been instructed to bow down and worship when Lee Greenwood’s "God Bless the U.S.A." played on the PA system.
New York Offers To House Hantavirus Patients In Nursing Homes
MANHATTAN — The State of New York has graciously offered to allow American hantavirus patients to stay in any of their local nursing homes.
BREAKING: Democrats Prepare Petard to Destroy Trump and Republicans; UPDATE: They Themselves Have Been Hoisted By Said Petard
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a most cunning stratagem, Democratic lawmakers didst this morn unveil a petard of monstrous proportions, which they had labored to construct these many months past, swearing upon their honor it would at last bring low the orange-haired knave Trump and his band of Republican…
To Get Even More Foul Calls, Thunder Sub In Wacky Flailing Inflatable Tube Man
OKLAHOMA CITY, OK — In an attempt to somehow garner even more foul calls, the Oklahoma City Thunder have replaced star player Shai Gilgeous-Alexander with a wacky flailing inflatable tube man.
Nancy Pelosi Says Stop Asking If Aliens Are Real Or She Will Order The Mothership To Fire Its Superlaser At Earth
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Representative Nancy Pelosi cautioned that if people persist in asking her whether aliens are real, she will order the mothership to blow up the earth with its superlaser.