HEAVENLY THRONE ROOM — As she stood before the great white throne of judgment upon whom sat One with the appearance of jasper and carnelian, recently deceased Tiffany Smith told Jesus that He really shouldn’t be so judgy.
Babylon Bee
Wife Explains Her Love Language Is For Husband To Go Out And Earn All The Money And Then Come Home And Do All The Chores
ONTARIO, CA — In a revelation intended to lay a foundation for a better marital relationship, a local wife explained to her husband that her love language is for him to go out and earn all the money and then come home and do all the chores.
Progressive Explains Democrats Can Be Christians Too If They Just Ignore Everything In The Bible
NEW YORK CITY — Progressive Democrat James Talarico went on The Late Show to explain how Democrats can be Christians too if they just ignore everything in the Bible.
Disgusting: Colbert Announces He Would Rather Show Not Air At All Than Have To Interview Black Woman
NEW YORK, NY — During Tuesday evening taping of The Late Show, host Stephen Colbert announced he would rather the show not air at all than have to interview a black woman.
Amazing New Study Suggests You Can Just Think Thoughts Without Posting Them Online
LOS ANGELES, CA — The shocking results of a brand-new study indicate that you can actually think thoughts without posting them online.
New Yorkers Report Warmth Of Collectivism Feels Strangely Like Crushing Tax Hike
NEW YORK CITY — New York City residents have reported that the warmth of collectivism feels weirdly similar to a crushing tax increase.
Japan Agrees To Trade Deal After Trump Catches Five Shrimp In A Row In His Mouth During Lunch
BETHESDA, MD — A significant victory was notched by the current administration today, as Japan agreed to a trade deal after President Donald Trump successfully caught five shrimp in a row in his mouth during lunch.
Group Chat Ruined By Android User
U.S. — A group chat amongst friends was reportedly derailed and later abandoned altogether after being ruined by the presence of an Android user, according to reports.
Wife Asks For Husband’s Opinion So She Can Choose The Opposite Of Whatever He Says
STOCKTON, CA — According to sources, local wife Gillian Franks went to her husband to ask for his opinion on a minor decision so she would understand exactly how he felt and could then proceed to do the exact opposite of whatever he said.
‘None Of My $850 Billion In Wealth Is Liquid,’ Elon Musk Explains As Steve Is Stuck Paying For Elon’s Latte Again
AUSTIN, TX — In a moment of social awkwardness, billionaire inventor and entrepreneur Elon Musk was unable to pay for coffee after informing his friend, Steve, that none of his $850 billion fortune was liquid.