WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump signed an executive order on Thursday softening the federal stance on marijuana after extensively reviewing notes from a "Dr. S. Dogg."
Babylon Bee
Democrats Blast Republicans For Trying To Put Hardworking Genital Mutilators Out Of Business
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As Congress prepared to vote on legislation that would prevent gender transitioning treatment from being given to minors, Democrats blasted Republicans for trying to put hardworking genital mutilators out of business.
9 Classic Villains Who Need A Sympathetic Origin Story Prequel
It’s all the rage these days — well-known villains getting the hero treatment with origin stories that show how misunderstood they’ve been all the time. But what other classic bad guys could benefit from this fad?
Trump Reduces D.C. Crime So Much Police Chief Resigns Out Of Boredom
WASHINGTON, D.C. — D.C. Police Chief Pamela Smith reportedly stepped down from her duties on Thursday because President Donald Trump had reduced crime in the city so drastically that it had made her really bored.
To Show Solidarity With Trans Kids, Corey Booker To Get His Vagina Removed
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Ahead of a Senate vote on a bill to ban gender-transition surgeries for minors, Senator Corey Booker pledged his unwavering support for the trans community and showed solidarity with trans kids by announcing his plan to get his vagina removed.
Wife Gets Husband’s Attention By Dressing Up As P-38 Lightning
MONROVIA, CA — A local wife revealed that she found the perfect way to get her husband’s attention after dressing up as the historic Lockheed P-38 Lightning fighter aircraft.
Everyone In Michigan Arrested Just To Be Safe
ANN ARBOR, MI — In the wake of police arresting University of Michigan’s football coach Sherrone Moore, authorities have decided to go ahead and just arrest everyone else in Michigan, just to be safe.
9 Booby Traps That Were Cut From ‘Home Alone’
The holiday classic Home Alone featured some of the most iconic improvised booby traps in movie history, but did you know that the original script included many more of them?
Authorities Warn Libs Now Dangerously Mad
U.S. — Federal authorities announced on Wednesday that liberals are now dangerously mad, a significant update from when they were just regular mad only days ago.
Introvert Samaritan Crosses To Other Side Of Street To Avoid Small Talk With Man Left For Dead
JERICHO — The victim of a local violent assault and robbery saw his predicament go from bad to worse today, as an introverted Samaritan reportedly crossed over to the other side of the road to avoid having to make small talk with a man who had been beaten…