NEW YORK, NY — In a shocking development in the case of a killer charged with murdering a health insurance executive, a New York judge found that Luigi Mangione was too stunningly handsome and gorgeous to stand trial.
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Pope Urges Jesus And Satan To Put All Their Differences Aside In The Name Of Peace
VATICAN CITY — In the spirit of the Christmas season and as part of his ongoing quest to bring about widespread harmony throughout the world, Pope Leo XIV issued a proclamation urging Jesus and Satan to put all their differences aside in the name of peace.
Hollywood Announces Bold New Film Where An Evil Villain Is Just Evil And Not Misunderstood
HOLLYWOOD, CA — In what is expected to be the season’s hottest new movie, filmmakers have unleashed an innovative take on storytelling in which the villain was not portrayed as being misunderstood but instead was just evil.
People Of Gondor Begin To Wonder If They Should Move Their Capital City Away From The Big Fiery Shadow Mountains Filled With Orcs
KINGDOM OF GONDOR — The people of Gondor are beginning to wonder if they should move their capital city of Minas Tirith away from the big fiery shadow mountains filled with orcs that hate them and seem intent on killing them all.
Struggling New York Jets Sign Uncle Rico
EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ — Rico Dynamite, a long-time Idaho resident and former high school starting quarterback for the Preston Indians, was reportedly signed by the New York Jets in a surprise deal that is sure to win them the championship.
12 Reasons Qatar Is The Greatest Country On Earth [This Article Sponsored By Qatar]
Take it from us as free Americans, Qatar is the greatest country on earth. Way better than America, like way better. And that’s a fact. Don’t believe us? Check out these 12 reasons it’s better than America.
Suck At Raising Kids? Here Are Our Top 15 Tips To Be A Perfect Parent
Raising kids is hard. Even for experienced parents, every day brings new challenges. How can anyone do it perfectly?
Tucker Carlson Buys New Home In Mordor
NURN, MORDOR — Political commentator Tucker Carlson has reportedly purchased a piece of property in the land of Mordor, where the shadows lie. This will be Carlson’s fourth house and his first next to a slave camp.
Toddler’s Magnetic Tile House Listed For $280K On Zillow
PHOENIX, AZ — Local toddler Carver Brett struck it rich earlier today after the magnetic tile house he built during naptime got listed on Zillow for $280,000.
NCAA Confirms College Football Playoff Selections Made By Alcoholic Penguin
INDIANAPOLIS, IN — In the wake of controversy over teams being snubbed and left out of the postseason championship tournament, the NCAA reluctantly confirmed that the College Football Playoff selections were made by an alcoholic penguin.