CANTON, MA — Dunkin’ Donuts announced Friday that its esteemed culinary team had made a major breakthrough and somehow found a way to make their donuts even worse.
Babylon Bee
Cruel: IDF Forces Give Greta Thunberg Dry Sub Sandwich With No Mayo
MEDITERRANEAN SEA — Greta Thunberg and other members of the latest humanitarian flotilla sailing to Gaza were subjected to unspeakable cruelty by the Israeli Defense Forces, who kidnapped them and then gave them dry sub sandwiches with no mayo to eat.
Trump Admin Announces Free Sombrero Giveaway For First 10,000 Illegals To Self-Deport
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The White House launched an initiative on Friday guaranteeing a free sombrero to the first 10,000 illegal aliens who self-deport.
Taylor Swift Assures Travis Kelce That New Song ‘Dumb Hairy Football Jock’ Isn’t About Him
LEAWOOD, KS — Following the release of her new album, singer-songwriter Taylor Swift reportedly sat down with her fiancé, football star Travis Kelce, to assure him that her hit new song "Dumb Hairy Football Jock" was not about him.
Conservative Family Cancels Netflix Account Forever For The Fifth Time
TULSA, OK — One local Conservative family announced this week that they would absolutely be canceling their Netflix account forever for the fifth time.
8 New Kid-Friendly Shows Coming To Netflix
Netflix has come under fire recently for inserting trans content in its kids’ programming. IN response to the controversy, the streaming platform revealed plans to revamp its entire children’s section with new shows designed to win back angry parents.
‘I’ll Get A Good Night’s Sleep Tomorrow Night,’ Thinks Parent Every Day For 18 Years
HAYS, KS — Wednesday evening reportedly marked the 18th anniversary of local parent Wendy Sullivan assuring herself that she would finally get a good night’s sleep the following night.
UK Prosecutes Synagogue For Provoking Attacker By Being Openly Jewish
MANCHESTER — The Crown Prosecution Service announced that charges had been filed against a Jewish synagogue on Thursday for provoking a violent terrorist attack against themselves by being openly Jewish.
Chimps Honor Jane Goodall With 21-Poo Salute
KIGOMA CITY — After news broke this week that the renowned primatologist and conservationist had passed away at the age of 91, a large group of chimps honored Jane Goodall with a 21-poo salute.
Analysts Suggest ‘Avatar’ Film Franchise Just A Giant Money Laundering Scheme
HOLLYWOOD, CA — Film industry analysts said that James Cameron’s Avatar franchise may not be a film franchise at all, but a clever multi-million dollar money laundering scheme.