WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following the Bulletin of Atomic Scientists revealing that they had officially moved the Doomsday Clock to "85 seconds to midnight," President Donald Trump held a press conference to announce that he had created his own Doomsday Clock and set it to "infinity seconds to midnight."
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Man Outed As Nazi For Saying We Should Have Laws And Borders
GREEN BAY, WI — Local man Bill Green was outed as a literal Nazi when someone overheard him saying in public that we should have some laws and borders.
10 Secrets To Looking And Feeling Younger
Everyone is looking for ways to slow the aging process these days, but does anything actually work? A few simple tips and tricks can go a long way.
Trump Tells Iran If They Don’t Stop Slaughtering Protesters He’s Going To Start Counting To Five
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Tensions between the United States and Iran continued to reach new levels, as President Donald Trump told the Ayatollah’s regime that if they didn’t stop slaughtering tens of thousands of protesters, he would start counting to five.
Promises Kept: Here Are The 9 Biggest Accomplishments Of The Republican Congress
Now over a year into the new congressional term and moving toward the midterms, the Republican-controlled U.S. Congress has been racking up one major victory after another. Don’t believe it? Just look at the facts.
Liberal Women Frantically Refreshing Instagram To See What They Should Be Mad About Next
U.S. — Liberal women across the U.S. spent the day feverishly refreshing their Instagram feed to see what they are supposed to be angry about next.
‘Just Complete This 50 Page Questionnaire,’ Says Hospital Clerk To Man With Axe Embedded In Skull
TOPEKA, KS — A kindly hospital clerk asked local man Jonathan Arnold to please fill out the brief 50-page intake form, promising they would then get right to addressing the axe embedded in his skull.
Toddler Rushes To Save Mom From Having To Use Bathroom Alone
BOULDER, CO — Local two-year-old Kaetlyn Massie graciously sprinted across the house in an effort to save her mother from using the bathroom alone.
Republicans Warn Passing Voter ID Law Could Ruin Plan To Hand Congress To Democrats In November
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the 2026 midterm elections on the horizon amid increasing strife over problems facing the nation, Republican lawmakers issued an urgent warning that passing a national voter ID law could ruin their plan to hand Congress to the Democrats in November.
ICE Getting So Scary That Illegal Immigrants Thinking Of Leaving U.S.
U.S. — Immigration and Customs Enforcement has become so scary that many illegal immigrants are reportedly considering leaving the United States.