WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump was rushed to an emergency bunker below the East Wing following reports that a member of Hamas breached the White House perimeter.
Babylon Bee
17 Illegal Immigrants Found Hiding Under Pope’s Hat
VATICAN CITY — Following his public statement condemning the Trump administration’s hardline immigration policies, a shocking new report indicated that 17 illegal immigrants had been found hiding under Pope Leo XIV’s hat.
Microsoft Introduces Convenient New 47-Factor Authentication
SEATTLE, WA — The Microsoft Corporation announced today that they’ve developed a convenient new 47-factor authentication protocol for all Windows-enabled computers.
Congress Passes Resolution To Release Santa’s Naughty/Nice List
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Lawmakers sent shockwaves around the globe with the Christmas season right around the corner, as Congress passed a resolution to release Santa Claus’ "Naughty or Nice" list.
Nation Wonders Whatever Happened To The Guy Who Made ‘Aliens’ And ‘Terminator 2’ And Then Just Completely Stopped Making Movies
U.S. — The results of a national survey revealed that nearly 90% of moviegoers were curious about what happened to the guy who made Aliens and Terminator 2, and then apparently just completely stopped making movies for some reason.
Do You Have What It Takes To Be A Professional Journalist? Here Are 9 Qualifications
There’s no more noble aspiration than that of one day becoming a professional journalist, but many may feel intimidated or unequipped to pursue such an impressive career.
Live-Action Remake Of Animated Film 98% Animated
Los Angeles, CA — Walt Disney Studios unveiled the teaser trailer this week for a much-anticipated live-action remake of a beloved animated movie that is only 98% animated.
Taco Bell Worker Not Impressed By Customer’s Excellent Spanish Pronunciation Of ‘Chalupa’
GRAND RAPIDS, MI — Local Toco Bell worker Austin Meyers remained unimpressed by a customer’s excellent Spanish accent when pronouncing the word ‘chalupa.’
Mamdani Targets The Rich With New Tax On Anyone Who Makes More Than $0 A Year
NEW YORK, NY — Mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani announced plans on Thursday to specifically target the rich with a new tax on anyone who makes more than $0.00 a year.
Embarrassed Cleveland Browns Suddenly Realize They Forgot To Put A Logo On Their Helmets This Whole Time
BEREA, OH — After existing as a known sports entity for over 80 years, the Cleveland Browns embarrassingly admitted that they had only recently come to the sudden realization that they had forgotten to put a logo on their helmets this whole time.