WASHINGTON, DC — Protestors involved in the actions on January 6th, 2021 admit they wish they had just labeled themselves as "legal observers" and avoided all the arrests and stuff.
Babylon Bee
U.S. Posts Minneapolis On Craigslist ($50 OBO)
U.S. — Seemingly at a loss as to how to solve the ongoing problems originating from the North Star State, everyone else in the United States reached a joint agreement to post Minnesota on Craigslist for $50 or best offer.
WNBA Players Vow To Continue Missing Lay-Ups Until ICE Withdraws From Minnesota
U.S. — In a touching display of solidarity amid widespread conflict in American cities, WNBA players issued a joint statement announcing they had vowed to continue missing lay-ups until ICE withdraws from Minnesota.
Tim Walz Says He Will Do Anything To Keep Minnesota Residents Safe Except Cooperate With Federal Law Enforcement
SAINT PAUL, MN — With tensions between ICE agents and leftist protesters in Minneapolis running high, Governor Tim Walz said he was willing to do anything to keep Minnesota residents safe except cooperate with federal law enforcement.
Man Who Just Climbed Skyscraper Kicks Himself After Seeing There Was An Elevator All Along
TAIPEI CITY — After spending over an hour-and-a-half climbing to the top of the Taipei 101 skyscraper, Alex Honnold was left kicking himself after realizing there was an elevator just inside.
The Bee Reports: ICE’s 7 Most Horrifying Atrocities
With tensions continuing to mount over ICE operations in Minneapolis, the journalists at The Babylon Bee are on the ground to document the despicable actions carried out by ICE agents. Here are the seven most horrifying atrocities that we have witnessed:
Minnesotans Begin Fleeing To Somalia To Escape Violence
MOGADISHU — Minnesotans have begun fleeing in droves to Somalia to escape the escalating threat of violence.
Frustrated Don Lemon Wonders What A Guy Has To Do To Get Sent To Men’s Prison
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — After a judge threw out the charges against him, a frustrated Don Lemon wondered what a guy had to do to get inside one of those prisons full of men.
Usha Informs JD They Will Not Be Naming Their Child ‘Thomas Bombadil Vance’
WASHINGTON, D.C. — On the heels of the public announcement that the couple was expecting their fourth child this summer, Second Lady Usha Vance gently informed the Vice President that they would not be naming their baby boy "Thomas Bombadil Vance."
Wondering If ICE Is Doing Something Evil? Check Out Our Flowchart!
ICE is all over the news lately, with conflicting reports about what’s actually happening. Many people have been left wondering if ICE agents are upholding the law and keeping Americans safe or perpetrating acts of evil on innocent people.