U.S. — Tragedy unfolded at a sporting event over the weekend, as a professional athlete was struck by lightning after unexcusably failing to thank Jesus Christ for giving his team the victory in the game.
Babylon Bee
Trump Announces New Round Of Tariffs On Everyone Who Didn’t Laugh At His Jokes In Davos
DAVOS — One day after his speech that made headlines at a gathering of world leaders at the World Economic Forum, U.S. President Donald Trump announced a new round of tariffs on everyone who didn’t laugh at his jokes.
10 Dumbest Things Guardian Angels Have Saved People From
Humans get into a lot of trouble, which all too often is simply a product of our own stupidity. Here are the top ten dumbest things guardian angels have saved people from in all of history:
Blind Taste Test Finds 9 Out Of 10 Men Prefer Taste Of Water From Garden Hose
CAMBRIDGE, MA — A peer-reviewed paper published by Harvard scientists revealed that, in a blind taste test, 9 out of 10 men prefer the taste of water from a garden hose.
Minnesota Arrests Churchgoers For Interrupting Protest
SAINT PAUL, MN — The controversy that erupted over last Sunday morning was finally addressed by authorities, as Minnesota leaders ordered the arrest of churchgoers for interrupting a leftist protest.
Trump Tells E.U. It’s Time We Start Seeing Other Continents
DAVOS — Speaking in Davos at the World Economic Forum, President Donald Trump broke it to European Union leaders that it was probably time the U.S. starts seeing other continents.
College Team Credits Football Championship To Discipline, Teamwork, $370 Million
MIAMI, FL — The Indiana Hoosiers credited their shocking college football championship victory to discipline, teamwork, and the $370 million spent buying their roster.
Trump To Convert Entire City Of Minneapolis Into Insane Asylum
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As part of the executive order to bring back mental institutions, President Trump announced this morning that he would begin by converting the entire city of Minneapolis into an insane asylum.
Dems Warn ICE Crackdowns Will Make Illegal Immigrants Afraid To Vote
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democratic lawmakers once again called on the Department of Justice to reign in ICE officers, fearful that mass deportations will make illegals afraid to vote.
Whoops: Trump Reveals He’s Actually Been Thinking Of Iceland This Whole Time
WASHINGTON, D.C. — While appearing at a White House press briefing on Tuesday, President Donald Trump revealed that he had been mistaken and was actually thinking of Iceland this whole time.