U.S. — After a fifth woman came forward yesterday to accuse former Representative Eric Swalwell of sexual assault, Swalwell has hurtled into the lead of Democratic presidential candidates.
Babylon Bee
With Swalwell Resigning, Just 534 Perverts Left In Congress
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the sudden resignation of California Representative Eric Swalwell over sexual assault charges, analysts speculated that there were now just 534 perverts remaining in the United States Congress.
Popular Franchise Looks To Expand Fanbase By Changing What Made It Popular Franchise
HOLLYWOOD, CA — It’s a simple formula: take an already wildly popular franchise and then tweak it a bit to attract even more fans.
Top 10 Miracles Performed By President Trump
Lost amid the controversy swirling around the image he posted to social media depicting him as a religious figure are the truly miraculous signs that have been performed by President Donald Trump. Don’t believe it? They’re well-documented.
Tucker Claims Muslims Love Jesus So Much They Help His Followers Meet Him
U.S. — According to podcast host and self-professed theologian Tucker Carlson, Muslims aren’t anti-Christian. In fact, they love Jesus so much that they want to help His followers meet Him as soon as possible.
McDonald’s Adds New Ozempic McFlurry
U.S. — Fast food giant McDonald’s unveiled the latest addition to its menu today, unveiling the all-new Ozempic McFlurry.
Defiant Trump Nails Copy Of ‘The Art Of The Deal’ To Vatican Door
VATICAN CITY — President Donald Trump escalated his feud with Pope Leo this morning, nailing a copy of The Art of the Deal to the door of the Vatican.
Thanks, Wokeness: Commercials No Longer Showing Medicine As Tiny Little Warriors Who Murder Tiny Little Germs
U.S. — According to advertising experts, the reason television commercials no longer depict medicine as tiny little warriors murdering tiny little germs is because of "wokeness."
42-Minute Delay As Dad Asked To Empty Cargo Pants At TSA Checkpoint
TULSA, OK — The security line ground to a halt this morning at the Tulsa International Airport as it took 42 minutes for a local dad to empty his cargo pants.
The Bee Explains: The Chimp Civil War
As you’ve probably heard, there is a chimpanzee civil war in Uganda.