LOS ANGELES, CA — Filmmaker George Lucas was reportedly branching out into Bible sales with a bold new special edition of God’s Word, featuring a new edit where Malchus attacks Peter first.
Babylon Bee
Seeing That It’s 5PM, Talarico Paints on Some Stubble
AUSTIN, TX — Senate candidate James Talarico was busy campaigning today when he noticed that the time had reached 5 PM. That meant that it was time for his daily ritual: painting some stubble on his face.
‘Feminism Was A Mistake,’ Thinks Man Immediately After Starting To Change Baby’s Diaper
MACON, GA — Local dad Ryan Thompson realized that the entire feminist movement was a huge mistake when he was about 10 seconds in to changing his 5-month-old son’s diaper.
7 Ways To Celebrate Pride Month With Your Family This Year
Pride Month is once again upon us, leaving families everywhere looking for the best ways to celebrate the occasion this year.
Pride Parade Forces To Change Direction After Route Takes It Within 200 Yards Of School
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — A parade celebrating Pride Month was forced to suddenly change course after participants informed organizers that none of them were allowed within 200 yards of a local elementary school.
Social Media Influencer Gives Birth To New Revenue Stream
TAMPA, FL — Social media influencer Lena Baker announced on her Instagram page this week that she had given birth to her third revenue stream, a beautiful little girl named Brinley.
Jill Biden Assures Nation Joe’s Old Age Did Not Hamper Her Ability To Serve As President
U.S. — While making media appearances to promote her new book, Jill Biden assured the nation that her husband’s old age did not in any way hamper her ability to serve as president.
Californians Give Us Their Top 9 Reasons For Still Voting Democrat
It’s Primary Election Day in California, and, as expected, a ton of people are still voting Democrat. The Babylon Bee hit the streets to find out why.
Disney Attempts To Win Star Wars Fans Back With New Jar Jar Binks Trilogy
BURBANK, CA — In an effort to win back disgruntled fans, Disney executives announced a brand-new Star Wars film trilogy centered entirely around Jar Jar Binks, one of the most popular characters in the franchise.
Companies Posting Pride Month Logos Obviously Unaware That Donald Trump Is President
U.S. — Several companies across the U.S. posting special Pride Month versions of their logos on social media were apparently unaware that Donald Trump is currently president.