U.S. — After watching the news of the Iranian government executing tens of thousands of protestors, political commentator Tucker Carlson expressed amazement at how clean and well-run the murders were.
Babylon Bee
Democrats Respond To RFK With New Food Pentagram
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In response to the new food pyramid released Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Democrats have released an alternative food pentagram.
Trump Airdrops ‘Make Iran Great Again’ Hats To Help Iranian Protesters
TEHRAN — As Iranian protestors were shot dead in the streets, President Trump made good on his promise to come to their aid by having thousands of "Make Iran Great Again" hats airdropped all over the country.
Bill Clinton Says He’ll Gladly Testify On Epstein Case Just As Soon He Gets Back From This Cool Island
NEW YORK, NY — According to filings to the Federal Court of the southern district of New York, former President Bill Clinton says he will gladly testify on the Epstein case just as soon as he gets back from this really cool island.
Five-Year-Old Brought In To Explain Difference Between Boys And Girls To Supreme Court
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Supreme Court took a break from deliberations regarding individuals competing in sports designated for the opposite sex to bring in an expert five-year-old boy to explain the difference between boys and girls.
Ketanji Brown Jackson Arrives At Work In Official SCOTUS Short Bus
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson arrived for work at the Supreme Court building this morning in the official, yellow SCOTUS short bus.
Trump Announces Plan To Take Australia And Cash In Its 2 Troop Bonus Every Round, Wait Till All The Other Armies Are Depleted, Then Launch His Assault On Asia
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump has revealed his plan to seize Australia, cash in its two-troop continent bonus each turn, wait for the other armies to deplete each other, and then launch an invasion of Asia.
Hole In Man’s Heart Turns Out To Be In Shape Of Mini-Excavator
TYLER, TX — Local man Ryan Jennings discovered today that the hole in his heart was actually in the precise shape of a seven-ton mini-excavator.
Trump’s New Rose Garden Signage Deemed ‘Tacky,’ ‘Overwrought’
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Despite its lavish overhaul to provide the iconic landscaping with a much-needed facelift for 2026, President Donald Trump’s new White House Rose Garden signage was deemed by pundits to be "tacky" and "overwrought."
9 Astonishing Facts You Didn’t Know About Heaven
Heaven is known to be a place of eternal comfort and rest for God’s people (and way better than Hell), but what is it like really?