DENVER, CO — Sad reports indicated that a work email sent to a local man on Friday morning did not, in fact, find him well.
Babylon Bee
With Cheney Dead, Iraq Finally Admits They Had WMDs All Along
BAGHDAD — Following the death of former U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney, Iraqi government officials finally admitted they actually did have weapons of mass destruction this whole time.
Man Can’t Wait To Be Disappointed By His Favorite Baseball Team’s Offseason Moves
KANSAS CITY, MO — With the conclusion of the World Series, the Major League Baseball season had officially come to an end, leaving one local man looking forward to being sorely disappointed by his favorite team’s offseason moves.
Mamdani Assures New Yorkers There’s No Problem Too Large For Government To Make Worse
NEW YORK, NY — In a celebratory speech following his historic win in New York City’s mayoral election, Mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani promised residents that there was no problem too large for government to make worse.
Unpaid Air Traffic Controller Now Just Deliberately Sending All Planes To Duluth, Minnesota For Laughs
LOS ANGELES, CA — Norman Shelby, an air traffic controller who works out of LAX, reportedly coped with his missing paycheck as a result of the government shutdown by deliberately sending planes to Duluth, Minnesota, for laughs.
Nancy Pelosi Prepares For Sad Future Of Outsider Trading
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the announcement that she was finally retiring from the U.S. Congress and would not seek reelection in 2026, former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi prepared herself for a sad future of outsider trading.
9 Best Times To Interrupt Whatever Your Husband Is Doing To Tell A Long Story
Ladies, sometimes you just have to tell your husband a really long, meandering story involving people he doesn’t really know doing things that don’t pertain to him. The important thing is knowing when is the right time to do it.
Mayor McCheese Reelected For 60th Straight Term
MCDONALDLAND — Beloved politician and civil servant Mayor McCheese has won reelection as Mayor of McDonaldland for an astounding 60th consecutive term.
Sad: This Guy Discovered The Cure To Cancer But He Posted It On Threads And No One Saw It
REDWOOD CITY, CA — Scientist Cameron Johnson discovered the cure to cancer this week, but no one saw the information because he posted it on Threads.
Mamdani Moves Mayor’s Office Under Children’s Hospital
NEW YORK CITY, NY — In his first official act as mayor-elect, Zohran Mamdani moved the mayor’s office under a children’s hospital.