U.S. — With SNAP funding temporarily blocked, beneficiaries of the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program are reportedly wishing there were some way to trade their labor and services for money to buy food.
Babylon Bee
Taylor Swift Asks Travis Kelce How He Did In The World Series
BUFFALO, NY — During a recent podcast appearance with Travis Kelce, Taylor Swift asked the Kansas City Chiefs tight end how he had done in the World Series last night.
L.A. Hosts Yet Another Pride Parade
LOS ANGELES, CA — In celebration of a historic weekend that brought excitement and joy to the entire city, crowds gathered downtown as Los Angeles hosted yet another flamboyant Pride parade.
Christians In Nigeria Disguise Themselves As Palestinians So People Will Care About Them Being Genocided
YELWATA — In a last-ditch effort to survive, Christians in Nigeria disguised themselves as Palestinians in hopes that people around the world would suddenly care about them being genocided.
Nigerian President Promises To End Genocide If Trump Sends Upfront Fee Of $5,000 In Amazon Gift Cards
WASHINGTON, DC — Donald Trump received an email from the President of Nigeria with a commitment to end the genocide against Christians if Trump agrees to send him $5,000 in Amazon gift cards.
Government Once Again Casts Nation Into 4:30 P.M. Darkness
U.S. — According to sources, the hidden upper echelon embedded in the United States government once again reveled in victory as it cast the nation into darkness at 4:30 p.m., like it does every year.
Canada Orders Toronto Blue Jays Players Euthanized
TORONTO — Following the team’s devastating loss to the Los Angeles Dodgers in Game 7 of the 2025 World Series, the Canadian government announced that it had ordered the players from the Toronto Blue Jays to be euthanized.
Dodgers Purchase 2nd World Series Victory
Tragic: Man Runs Out Of Conversation Topics 45 Seconds Into Haircut
KANSAS CITY, MO — Tragedy struck in a local barbershop today, as a man realized just 45 seconds into getting his haircut that he had already run out of all conversation topics.
Mamdani Promises Rent-Free Gulags
NEW YORK, NY — As the New York City mayoral race entered its final stretch before Tuesday’s election, leading candidate Zohran Mamdani sought to broaden his appeal with undecided voters by promising to establish rent-free gulags throughout the city in which he would graciously imprison his political opponents…