U.S. — Mere weeks after bringing about a much-heralded ceasefire between Israel and Hamas, President Donald Trump pulled off yet another historic treaty by successfully negotiating a peace deal between proponents of the contemporary service and adherents to the traditional service.
Babylon Bee
17-Year-Old Trick-Or-Treater Dresses Up As 17-Year-Old Wearing a Hoodie
HADDONFIELD, NJ — Reports coming in on Halloween indicated that one 17-year-old trick-or-treater had been sighted making the rounds early in the afternoon dressed up as a 17-year-old wearing a hoodie.
In Toughest Survival Challenge Yet, Bear Grylls Attempts To Survive Weekend In Chicago
CHICAGO, IL — In a new television special, survivalist icon and TV host Bear Grylls was set to embark on his most daring survival challenge yet as he attempts to survive a weekend in Chicago.
The Nightmare Is Over: Supreme Court Outlaws Candy Corn
U.S. — Americans all over the country celebrated the news that the national nightmare that had lasted for generations was finally over, as the United States Supreme Court outlawed candy corn.
Prodigal Son Returns After SNAP Benefits Expire
GALILEE — A local family rejoiced after a wayward son returned in repentance to his father, though subsequent reports claimed that this was because he just ran out of SNAP benefits.
Man Longs For Simpler Time Before Grandma Discovered Emojis
MACON, GA — Local man John Gardener expressed longing this week for a simpler, better time before his grandmother learned how to use emojis in texts and social media posts.
Embarrassed Democrats Admit They Can’t Remember Why They Shut The Government Down
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democratic lawmakers quietly admitted on Friday that they can’t seem to remember why they shut down the government in the first place.
Can You Spot The Differences Between These Grokipedia And Wikipedia Articles?
Elon Musk announced this week that his A.I. tool Grok would be curating a competitor to online encyclopedia giant Wikipedia called Grokipedia.
Xi Happily Drops All Tariffs After Trump Shows Him How To Use Chopsticks To Become A Walrus
GYEONGJU — Trade negotiations between the U.S. and China reached a much-needed breakthrough on Thursday, as Chinese President Xi Jinping agreed to drop all tariffs after President Donald Trump showed him how to use chopsticks to become a walrus.
Sad: This Kid’s Uncle Actually Works At Nintendo But No One Will Believe Him
SEATTLE, WA — In a cruel twist of fate, local boy Steven Brent actually has an uncle who works at Nintendo, but no one will believe him because of the popular meme.