President Donald Trump ordered the arrest of Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro, toppling a brutal totalitarian regime. But he’s only getting started.
Babylon Bee
Tim Walz Calls In Somali Military To Fight Against ICE
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Governor Tim Walz took decisive action to back up his aggressive rhetoric against federal immigration operations in his state by calling in the Somali Armed Forces to assist in the fight against ICE.
Teenager Confused How Parents Still Don’t Know Everything When It Only Took Him 16 Years
SALT LAKE CITY, UT — Local teen Ethan Gardener expressed confusion this week over how he had managed to learn everything in only 16 years, while his much-older parents still hadn’t figured everything out.
Exhausted Nation Wishes Minnesota Would Be Normal For Like Five Minutes
U.S. — According to sources, an exhausted nation was wishing Minnesota would just be normal for, like, five minutes.
Democrats Demand To Know Why ICE Agents Can’t Just Shoot Cars In The Leg
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Democrats took to social media following the deadly ICE shooting in Minneapolis to demand to know why the agents can’t just shoot cars in the legs to de-escalate situations.
Democrats Once Again Threaten Civil War To Stop Republicans From Taking Away Their Slave Laborers
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — For the second time in American history, Democrats are threatening civil war if Republicans do not stop taking away their slave laborers.
8 Perfect New Jobs For Tim Walz
With the announcement that he is withdrawing from the Minnesota governor’s race, Tim Walz is on the hunt for a new career. Fortunately, The Babylon Bee has come up with the following list of jobs he’d be absolutely fabulous for:
Family Stages Intervention Over 40-Year-Old Dad’s Skinny Jeans
DANSVILLE, NY — The Rodgers family reportedly recruited a social worker to help moderate what turned out to be an emotional intervention for Steve Rodgers, a 40-year-old man who has persisted in wearing skinny jeans.
Maduro Now Polling As Most Popular Democrat
U.S. — The 2028 presidential race took a surprising turn this week following the events that took place in Venezuela, as the latest round of polling showed that deposed dictator Nicolas Maduro had taken the early primary lead as the most popular Democrat.
White House Announces Over 1,000,000 New Jobs Were Created In December But They Were All Filled By Marco Rubio
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The White House announced that job creation in December blew past expectations, with over one million new jobs being created in just one month. However, the unemployment rate remained unchanged, as every single one of the jobs was filled by Marco Rubio.