It’s been all the buzz in the media this week, but only The Babylon Bee has the actual details about the features of President Trump’s new White House ballroom.
Babylon Bee
Meet the Unsung Hero Who Makes Sure Every Space Mission Doesn’t Have a Stowaway Axe Murderer
CAPE CANAVERAL, FL — Russell Patrick has been doing the same job for NASA for over 50 years, though he’s gotten little recognition despite the essential service he provides.
In Historic First, Podcaster Goes On Other Podcaster’s Podcast
ROANOKE, VA — In a historic first that is shaking up the entire podcasting universe, one podcaster went on another podcaster’s podcast.
Trump: Pam Bondi ‘Not Quite Hot Enough’ To Be This Bad At Her Job
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump announced on Thursday that after careful evaluation, he had determined that Attorney General Pam Bondi was "not quite hot enough" to be this incompetent at her job.
Elon Musk Launches Emergency Rescue Plumber To Repair Artemis’ Toilet
CAPE CANAVERAL, FL — NASA issued a statement on Thursday confirming that Elon Musk had launched an emergency rescue plumber into space late Wednesday night to repair the broken toilet on the Artemis II spacecraft.
What A Moron: Judas Dips Bread In Bowl Right After Jesus Says ‘The One Who Dips The Bread In The Bowl Will Betray Me’
JERUSALEM — Witnesses revealed that total idiot Judas Iscariot dipped his bread in the bowl with Jesus mere seconds after the Lord announced that the one who dipped his bread in the bowl would betray Him.
Supreme Court Begs Colorado To Please Just Be Normal For Once
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The United States Supreme Court issued an official statement on Thursday begging the state of Colorado to please just be normal for once.
8 Amazing Features Of Trump’s Proposed Presidential Library
Though Donald Trump will leave office after a new president is elected in 2028, his legacy will live on forever in the Donald J. Trump Presidential Library in Miami. The proposed library will feature an impressive lineup of exhibits, with some of them still being kept under wraps.
Chicago Bulls Offer To Reinstate Jayden Ivey If He Will Do Some Cocaine And Beat A Few Women
CHICAGO, IL — After releasing Jayden Ivey over his statements about the unrighteousness of Pride month, the Chicago Bulls have offered to reinstate Ivey on the team if he will agree to do some cocaine and beat a few women.
In Compelling Argument For Birthright Citizenship, Justice Jackson Eats Entire Stick Of Glue
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a persuasive argument in favor of maintaining birthright citizenship, Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson ate an entire stick of glue.