SPACE — In accordance with Canadian law, the crew of NASA’s Artemis II mission successfully euthanized Canadian astronaut Jeremy Hansen after discovering he’d suffered a light bruise during takeoff.
Babylon Bee
10 Fun Megachurch Events For Easter 2026
If you’re gearing up to attend Easter service at a megachurch, you’re in for an exciting Sunday.
Supreme Court Denounces New ABS System That Says Whether They Decided A Case Wrong
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Similar to the reaction of umpires to Major League Baseball’s adoption of its new "Automated Ball-Strike System" to challenge calls, the United States Supreme Court has denounced the new "Automated Bench Scrutiny" system implemented to determine whether they decided a case wrong.
Woman Born In August Worried Husband Isn’t Thinking About Her Birthday Yet
PROVO, UT — Local woman Denise Stanford expressed concern that her husband, Mike, had yet to begin even thinking about her August 26th birthday.
Trump Introduces New Birth-Wrong Citizenship Rule To Deport All Losers And Haters
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump has for a long time criticized the concept of birthright citizenship — the idea that U.S. citizenship extends to anyone who was born within the U.S.’s borders. Rather than wait for a Supreme Court decision about it, Trump announced his own legislation…
Sneak Peek: A Look At The Features Of Trump’s White House Ballroom
It’s been all the buzz in the media this week, but only The Babylon Bee has the actual details about the features of President Trump’s new White House ballroom.
Meet the Unsung Hero Who Makes Sure Every Space Mission Doesn’t Have a Stowaway Axe Murderer
CAPE CANAVERAL, FL — Russell Patrick has been doing the same job for NASA for over 50 years, though he’s gotten little recognition despite the essential service he provides.
In Historic First, Podcaster Goes On Other Podcaster’s Podcast
ROANOKE, VA — In a historic first that is shaking up the entire podcasting universe, one podcaster went on another podcaster’s podcast.
Trump: Pam Bondi ‘Not Quite Hot Enough’ To Be This Bad At Her Job
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump announced on Thursday that after careful evaluation, he had determined that Attorney General Pam Bondi was "not quite hot enough" to be this incompetent at her job.
Elon Musk Launches Emergency Rescue Plumber To Repair Artemis’ Toilet
CAPE CANAVERAL, FL — NASA issued a statement on Thursday confirming that Elon Musk had launched an emergency rescue plumber into space late Wednesday night to repair the broken toilet on the Artemis II spacecraft.