FRISCO, TX — Local woman Samantha Johnson’s faith in humanity was instantly restored this afternoon after she drove up to find neighborhood kids doing a lemonade stand.
Babylon Bee
Oh, Crap: Government Threatens To Fix Something
U.S. — Panic spread across the nation today after the federal government threatened to fix something.
Church Introduces Hogwarts Sorting Hat To Identify Your Spiritual Gifts
HOUSTON, TX — Local church Crestview Methodist reportedly introduced a fun new "sorting hat" to identify the spiritual gifts of members.
‘C’ From ‘Coexist’ Sticker Arrested For Running Over Other Letters With A Truck
NEW YORK, NY — A portion of downtown New York was closed on Friday after the "C" from the now famous "COEXIST" bumper sticker reportedly ran over the other letters with a U-Haul truck.
After Observing Adam For Two Minutes, God Decides Man’s Going To Need A Helper
EDEN — According to Heavenly sources, a final decision was made to provide a helper suitable for Adam after observing him for just two minutes.
Mangione Says He Is Only Guilty Of Stealing The Hearts Of Liberal Women Everywhere
NEW YORK CITY, NY — In a courtroom appearance Friday, Luigi Mangione formally addressed the court to respond to the sweeping federal and state charges levied against him and stated the only thing he was guilty of was stealing the hearts of liberal women.
Kentucky Derby Convenes Committee To Determine What Is A Horse
LOUISVILLE, KY — Churchill Downs Inc. (CDI), which manages the annual Kentucky Derby race, formed a committee this week to answer a question which would determine the future of horse races forever: what is a horse?
Candace: ‘If You Don’t Count The Video, DNA, Murder Weapon, Ballistics, Motive, Text Messages, And Multiple Confessions, There Is ZERO Evidence Against Tyler Robinson’
U.S. — Candace Owens completely dismantled the state’s case against Tyler Robinson during a podcast episode on Monday, pointing out that if you don’t count the video, DNA, murder weapon, ballistics, motive, text messages, and multiple confessions, then there is zero evidence he killed Charlie Kirk.
‘How Do You Spell Gazongas?’ Asks Trump While Drafting Up Job Posting For New Press Secretary
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following the departure of White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt, President Trump got straight to work drafting up a job posting with very specific qualifications for the newly available position.
WNBA Changes League Name To ?NBA
U.S. — After failing to arrive at a definition of "woman", the WNBA has officially changed the name of the league to ?NBA.