CHICAGO, IL — A plastic shopping bag that accidentally blew inside the Chicago Museum of Modern Art sold at auction for $10 million.
Babylon Bee
Heaven Excited To Finally Get Answer To Who Would Win A Fight Between God And Mike Ditka
HEAVEN — Heavenly residents have gathered in rapt anticipation, excited to finally get the answer to the age-old question of who would win a fight between God and Mike Ditka.
10 Best Reasons To Vote For Democrats In The Midterms
The midterms are less than a month away, so it’s important for you to understand who you’re voting for and why. You may think that voting for Republicans is the only way to go, but that’s not the case.
Trump Signs Executive Order Making Hurricanes Illegal
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move aimed at protecting coastal states awaiting landfall of Hurricane Isaias, President Donald Trump signed an executive order on Friday declaring all hurricanes illegal.
‘Oh No, Don’t Nuke L.A., Especially Not Dodgers Stadium, Definitely Not At 5 PM Pacific Time On Wednesday, October 14th,’ Begs Nation
U.S. — Following the suggestion that Los Angeles or San Diego could be destroyed, the nation pleaded with the Republic of Iran to definitely not bomb L.A., especially not Dodger Stadium at 5 PM on Wednesday, October 14.
Pentagon Confirms Hasan Execution To Be Hosted By Ryan Seacrest
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Pentagon confirmed on Friday that domestic terrorist Nidal Hasan would be publicly executed in a spectacular event hosted by Ryan Seacrest.
Man Politely Informs Officer He Was Not Texting And Driving, He Was Actually Playing ‘Mario Tennis’ On His Game Boy Advance SP
GLENDORA, CA — A local man narrowly avoided receiving a ticket for texting while driving after he politely explained to the police officer that he was merely playing Mario Tennis: Power Tour on his Game Boy Advance SP.
Democrat Strategists Remove James Talarico From Campaign Trail To Hide The Fact That He’s James Talarico
AUSTIN, TX — Senate candidate James Talarico suddenly disappeared from the campaign trail last week after Democratic strategists realized that he is James Talarico.
Jesus Tells Parable Of The Wise Servant Who Invested In Pokémon Cards
JERUSALEM — While overlooking the Temple from the Mount of Olives, the one called Jesus reportedly shared with His disciples a new teaching called the "Parable of the Wise Servant Who Invested in Pokémon Cards."
Mamdani Struggling To Find That Perfect Work-Terrorism Balance
NEW YORK, NY — Mayor Zoran Mamdani’s demeanor suffered in recent days, according to observers, as he struggled to find that perfect work-terrorism balance in his life.