U.S. — President Trump has announced the deployment of 10,000 soldiers to help spread the word that there is no war happening in Iran.
Babylon Bee
Black Half Of Tiger Woods Tased By Cops After Asian Half Crashes Car
JUPITER, FL — The black half of professional golfer Tiger Woods was tased by police at the scene where the Asian half of Tiger Woods had wrecked his car.
49 States Enact Legislation Banning Immigrants From California
U.S. — To get ahead of the expected surge of migrants seeking refuge and freedom in the safety of America, 49 states banded together this week to enact legislation banning immigrants from California.
12 Tips For Dads Babysitting Their Own Kids
Don’t be alarmed, but there may be times when your wife will leave you home along with the kids for hours — or even days — on end. Knowing what to do in these situations is vital for their survival, and yours.
TSA Agent Keeps Skills Sharp By Groping Mannequin At Home
ONTARIO, CA — With the partial government shutdown still ongoing and no end in sight, local TSA employee Jeff Dormer said he had been keeping his skills sharp by groping a mannequin at home.
Amazon Announces Massive ‘Everything-40%-Off-Except-The-Three-Things-You-Want’ Sale
U.S. — Just in time for Easter, Amazon announced that it was rolling out a special limited-time "Everything-40%-Off-Except-The-Three-Things-You-Want" sale.
Trump Brags Oil Never Worth This Much Under Biden
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The wins just keep on coming, according to President Donald Trump, who bragged to the media on Friday that oil was never worth this much under former President Joe Biden.
Report: The Reason TV Shows Take So Long to Make Now Is Because They Film in the Dark
U.S. — There are two major complaints about TV shows these days. One is that they take so long between seasons. Network TV used to put out 20-plus-episode seasons every single year, but modern shows sometimes take up to three years to produce eight episodes. The other complaint…
Theologians Confirm Heaven’s Streets Of Gold Will Have No Cyclists
WORLD — The world’s leading theologians weighed in on the nature of Heaven this week, confirming what many have long believed: Heaven’s streets of gold will have no cyclists.
Bible Receives Modern Update With ‘Morally Gray Edition’
CLEVELAND, OH — The Bible finally received a much-needed modern update called the Morally Gray Edition, which removes all outdated black-and-white morality that was found in prior editions.