U.S. — As baseball’s opening weekend ended with the sports world buzzing about the new Automated Ball-Strike System changing the game, MLB umpires admitted that they’ve kinda just been guessing this whole time.
Babylon Bee
Cruel, Heartless Wife Goes On Fun Girls’ Weekend Leaving Poor Husband All Alone And Lonely And Helpless
TOLEDO, OH — Local wife Aubrey Jackson reportedly left the house for 72 hours on a girls’ weekend, cruelly abandoning her lonely, helpless husband.
Atheist Has Killer New Argument Sure To Destroy Christianity — UPDATE: It Was Answered Over A Thousand Years Ago
CHICAGO, IL — Atheist Greg Hickman announced on Monday that he had devised a killer new argument that was sure to destroy Christianity.
Pope Leo: ‘God Does Not Listen To People Who Wage War So Long As You Don’t Count Moses, David, Joshua, Elijah, Saul, Gideon, Samson, Or Anyone Else In Bible’
VATICAN CITY — Pope Leo boldly proclaimed today that God does not listen to the prayers of those who wage war, so long as you don’t count King David, or Joshua, or Gideon, or Samson, or Elijah, or Hezekiah, or any of those other people in the Bible.
Every Inning Of Baseball Game Aired On Different Streaming Service
U.S. – In a new milestone for Major League Baseball, every single inning of a game was aired on a different streaming platform.
Dozens Of Injuries Reported At ‘No Kings’ Rally After Multi-Scooter Pileup
BOSTON, MA — Dozens of significant injuries have been reported at the "No Kings" rally today after a multi-scooter pileup as the protest crossed Tremont Street.
Trump Deploys 10,000 Soldiers To Spread Word There Is No War In Iran
U.S. — President Trump has announced the deployment of 10,000 soldiers to help spread the word that there is no war happening in Iran.
Black Half Of Tiger Woods Tased By Cops After Asian Half Crashes Car
JUPITER, FL — The black half of professional golfer Tiger Woods was tased by police at the scene where the Asian half of Tiger Woods had wrecked his car.
49 States Enact Legislation Banning Immigrants From California
U.S. — To get ahead of the expected surge of migrants seeking refuge and freedom in the safety of America, 49 states banded together this week to enact legislation banning immigrants from California.
12 Tips For Dads Babysitting Their Own Kids
Don’t be alarmed, but there may be times when your wife will leave you home along with the kids for hours — or even days — on end. Knowing what to do in these situations is vital for their survival, and yours.