WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Republican Party was hit with an awkward incident on Tuesday after Rep. Nancy Mace and House Speaker Mike Johnson discovered they had gotten matching arm tattoos by mistake.
Babylon Bee
DFW Airport Installs New ‘Hijackers Only’ Screening Line
DALLAS, TX — Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport announced the installation of a new "Hijackers Only" TSA screening line to better accommodate the needs of terrorists.
Gregorian Monk Releases BANGER New Chant
SOLESMES — Local monk Brother Anselm of the Abbey of Saint Pierre de Solesmes reportedly dropped what music critics were calling the most "bangin’" Gregorian chant since the 9th century.
Trump Admits Both Koreas Look The Same To Him
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the wake of mass confusion arising from President Donald Trump lashing out at longtime ally South Korea, Trump admitted that both Koreas look exactly the same to him.
Church Introduces Breakaway Stained Glass Windows For Introverts To Use During Sharing Of The Peace
SPRINGFIELD, MO — St. Luke’s Lutheran Church of Springfield updated all of its sanctuary’s stained-glass windows with "breakaway glass" for introverts to use during the sharing of the peace.
11 Most Effective Punishments For Parents To Use On Their Gen Alpha Kids
Every generation is unique, and parents of Gen Alpha kids are quickly learning that the world has changed quite a bit over these past few decades. The punishments of yesteryear simply don’t work on kids today. But don’t lose hope, parents.
WNBA Subreddit Bans Any Mention Of ‘Women’
U.S. — The online Reddit community of WNBA fans announced that it had officially banned any and all mention of "women."
New ‘X-Men’ Movie Expected To Flop As They Went Woke And Made Storm Black
U.S. — Entertainment industry insiders predicted that the upcoming Marvel Studios X-Men reboot would flop after the producers chose to go woke and make the character "Storm" an African-American woman.
Mormon Teen Takeover Leaves Three New Houses Built For Homeless
PROVO, UT — A mob of local Mormon teenagers engaging in the popular internet trend of staging a "takeover" reportedly left three new houses built for the homeless in its wake.
Powerball Winner Blows Entire Jackpot On Burrito
QUINCY, IL — The winner of the billion-dollar Powerball lottery was reportedly once again destitute after blowing the entire jackpot on a single burrito.