CHARLESTON, SC — Local grandmother Peggy Hartfield apologetically put one scammer on hold this morning so she could answer a call from a different scammer.
Babylon Bee
Democrats Warn Trump Of Dangerous Precedent Set By Law Enforcement Raiding Homes Of Political Opponents
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following this week’s DHS raid on Congresswoman Ilhan Omar’s home, Democrats warned President Donald Trump that using law enforcement to target political opponents could set a dangerous precedent.
Man Heads To Golf Course For Relaxing Afternoon Cursing Himself And The Day He Was Born
COLLEGE STATION, TX — Off work for Columbus Day, local man Clay Taylor headed out to the golf course for a relaxing afternoon cursing himself and the day he was brought into this world.
9 Things DHS Found In Raid Of Ilhan Omar’s House
Federal agents raided Congresswoman Ilhan Omar’s home on Monday as part of an investigation into potential immigration fraud. According to highly placed government sources, what agents recovered at the scene will shock you to your very core.
Fringe Conspiracy Theorist Still Believes James Talarico Not Insane
AUSTIN, TX — Despite overwhelming evidence, a local fringe conspiracy theorist continued to insist that U.S. Senate hopeful James Talarico wasn’t insane.
Theologians Say Minas Tirith LEGO Set Proves God Loves Us And Wants To Give Us Good Things
U.S. — Theologians from across the country signed onto a joint paper arguing that the existence of the Minas Tirith LEGO set proves beyond all doubt that God loves us and wants to give us good things.
Mamdani Says ICE Agents Who Cross Border Into New York City Without Permission Will Be Prosecuted
NEW YORK, NY — The mayor’s office announced on Monday that any ICE agents who cross the border into the city without permission would be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
Local Man Somehow Trains For Marathon Without Posting About It Every Day On Facebook
BOUNTIFUL, UT — A local runner made history Tuesday by completing a 26.2-mile marathon without ever posting a single update about his training schedule to Facebook.
Trump Tells Liberals Uncomfortable With Public Execution To Just Imagine It’s A Healthcare CEO
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As public debate continued over the scheduled live-streaming of terrorist Nidal Hasan’s death by firing squad, President Donald Trump told liberals who are uncomfortable with public executions to just imagine that it’s a healthcare CEO.
Lot Wins Halloween Couples Costume Contest Dressed As Pepper Shaker
THE PLAIN OF JORDAN — Lot won first prize in a local Halloween couples costume contest this weekend after dressing up as a pepper shaker.