JERUSALEM — Witnesses revealed that total idiot Judas Iscariot dipped his bread in the bowl with Jesus mere seconds after the Lord announced that the one who dipped his bread in the bowl would betray Him.
Babylon Bee
Supreme Court Begs Colorado To Please Just Be Normal For Once
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The United States Supreme Court issued an official statement on Thursday begging the state of Colorado to please just be normal for once.
8 Amazing Features Of Trump’s Proposed Presidential Library
Though Donald Trump will leave office after a new president is elected in 2028, his legacy will live on forever in the Donald J. Trump Presidential Library in Miami. The proposed library will feature an impressive lineup of exhibits, with some of them still being kept under wraps.
Chicago Bulls Offer To Reinstate Jayden Ivey If He Will Do Some Cocaine And Beat A Few Women
CHICAGO, IL — After releasing Jayden Ivey over his statements about the unrighteousness of Pride month, the Chicago Bulls have offered to reinstate Ivey on the team if he will agree to do some cocaine and beat a few women.
In Compelling Argument For Birthright Citizenship, Justice Jackson Eats Entire Stick Of Glue
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a persuasive argument in favor of maintaining birthright citizenship, Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson ate an entire stick of glue.
Kristi Noem Asks Husband If There’s Anything He Needs To Get Off His Chest
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After scandalous photos surfaced online of her husband Bryon, former Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem reportedly asked him if there was anything he’d like to get off his chest.
CB Bucknor Calls Entire Game Without Once Looking Up From His Newspaper
HOUSTON, TX — Major League Baseball history was made today, as longtime umpire CB Bucknor called the entire game from behind home plate without once looking up from his newspaper.
Trump Sneaks Onto Supreme Court Bench Cleverly Disguised As Justice Sotomayor
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the Supreme Court hearing arguments today over birthright citizenship, President Trump cleverly snuck his way onto the bench by disguising himself as Justice Sonia Sotomayor.
NASA Plays Incredible April Fools’ Joke Of Once Again Pretending To Go To The Moon
MERRITT ISLAND, FL — In one of the biggest April Fools’ jokes in decades, NASA is pretending once again to actually be going to the moon.
KBJ: ‘How Can A Law Be Unconstitutional If I Like It?’
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the United States Supreme Court issued a decisive ruling on a controversial case in Colorado regarding conversion therapy for minors, Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson raised a pertinent question about the constitutionality of the law.