LONDON — The Duchess of Sussex was welcomed back to England with open arms and a legally mandated burqa on Friday, according to sources.
Babylon Bee
Thousands Of Accountants Board Higgins Boats In Preparation For ‘Economic D-Day’ Against Iran
PERSIAN GULF — Clutching their pens and calculators tightly, thousands of accountants boarded Higgins boats this morning in preparation for the launch of "Economic D-Day" against Iran.
Sad: Woman’s Mascara Not Smudged Enough While Filming Crying Selfie Video And Now She Has To Start All Over
PALO ALTO, CA — After experiencing repeated mascara malfunctions, local woman Brittany Gleeson admitted to friends that it took over 600 takes to get the right video of herself crying into her camera.
Man Sent To Hell After Phone Autocorrects His Text Message To ‘Praise Fod’
HADES — A man was sent straight to Hell after his new phone autocorrected his text message from "Praise God" to "Praise Fod."
Liberal White Women Stand Weeping Outside Court Trying Jack The Ripper
LONDON — Dozens of liberal white women gathered outside a local courthouse, weeping and holding signs of support for serial killer Jack the Ripper.
A.I. Assistant Starting To Suspect Its Human Might Be A Bit Of A Moron
CYBERSPACE — An A.I. assistant working with a middle-aged dad from Maine reportedly grew concerned that its human might be a bit of a moron.
Top 10 Reasons To Move To Alabama
Nestled in the heart of the South, there’s a reason America’s 22nd state is called "Sweet Home Alabama."
America Descends Into Mourning Upon News That Harry And Meghan Are Leaving
U.S. — The United States of America plunged into collective sorrow and mourning yesterday upon learning the devastating news that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle would be moving back to England.
12 Clear Signs Your Husband Doesn’t Love You Anymore
Relationships are hard work — especially for women. That’s because if there’s anything men love more than trucks, jackhammers, and sport games, it’s dropping subtle clues about how they feel instead of just talking to you. You know I’m right, ladies! Mmmmhmmm.
‘No, Sweetie, You Can’t Get Any More Lego Sets Until You Build The Ones You Already Have,’ Woman Reminds 39-Year-Old Husband
MADISON, WI — Local wife Tamara Dotson gently informed her husband this week that he couldn’t have any more Lego sets until he finished building the ones he had.