SPACE — Astronaut Christina Koch reportedly played a pivotal role in the success of NASA’s Artemis II lunar mission on Monday when she helpfully screamed in the pilot’s ear as they were just 5,000 miles shy of colliding with the lunar surface.
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Downed F-15 Pilot Asks Rescuers If They Can Go Back For His AirPods Real Quick
KOHGILUYEH — A thankful F-15 weapons systems officer reportedly asked his rescuers if he could go back to the crash site to get his AirPods real quick.
It’s Getting Serious: Trump Triple Dog Dares Iran To Keep Strait Of Hormuz Closed
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump’s threats to the Iranian regime escalated drastically over the holiday weekend, with the President issuing a rare "triple dog dare" for Iran to keep the Strait of Hormuz closed.
Critics Blast ‘The Super Mario Galaxy Movie’ For Its Flimsy Plotting And Not Making Yoshi Bisexual
HOLLYWOOD, CA — Though The Super Mario Galaxy Movie may be doing well at the box office, critics blasted the film for its flimsy plotting and not making Yoshi bisexual.
Not Fake News: He Is Risen
He is risen indeed!
NASA Starting To Think Stocking Shuttle With Chipotle Might Have Been A Mistake
HOUSTON, TX — With the toilet about Artemis II breaking for the second time, NASA began to wonder if stocking the shuttle with Chipotle may have been a mistake.
Man Getting Really Excited About Mario Movie After Seeing Critics Hated It
EUGENE, OR — Local man Bennett Stenson has become increasingly excited for the new Mario movie after hearing that film critics hated it.
Fruit Cart Insurance No Longer Covering Destruction From Car Chases
COSTA MESA, CA — In what was sure to be a blow to street vendors across the nation, the country’s leading provider announced that fruit cart insurance would no longer cover destruction from car chases.
Disciples Wondering What Jesus Could Have Possibly Meant By ‘They Will Kill Me And In Three Days I Will Rise From The Dead’
JERUSALEM — The disciples of Christ, distraught and crushed by the events of Friday, began to wonder what Jesus could have possibly meant when he said, "They will kill me and in three days I will rise from the dead."
Pharisee Asks If It’s Normal For Temple Curtain To Suddenly Rip in Half
JERUSALEM — A Pharisee by the name of Ahaziah asked his fellow scribes if it was normal for the temple curtain to suddenly and spontaneously rip in half from top to bottom.