U.S. — In an attempt to give others a chance, the Scripps National Spelling Bee will heretofore offer a separate competition for non-Indian kids.
Babylon Bee
As Gas Crisis Worsens, Congress Assures Americans They Are Working Hard On Regulating NCAA Transfer Portal
WASHINGTON D.C. — With Americans struggling as gasoline costs continue to soar, Congress assured citizens that it remained laser-focused on fixing the issues with the NCAA transfer portal.
Therapist Working With Chewbacca On Alternative Coping Mechanisms Besides Pulling People’s Arms Out Of Socket
KASHYYYK — A therapist working with famed Star Wars icon Chewbacca told his colleagues this week that he was trying to teach the Wookiee how to deal with his anger issues in more constructive ways that don’t involve ripping people’s arms off. Dr. Aris Thorne, a licensed galactic…
Newsom Designates California Sanctuary State For Fraud
SACRAMENTO, CA — Governor Gavin Newsom signed legislation on Friday officially designating California a sanctuary state for fraud.
10 Consequences Of Harambe’s Death
Ten years ago, this world lost one of its greatest heroes: Harambe, the gorilla. Friend to many and beloved by all, the loss of Harambe left a gaping hole that changed the course of history.
James Talarico Taking ‘Not Acting Gay’ Lessons from Tim Walz
AUSTIN, TX — James Talarico drew attention in recent months with his candidacy for Texas senator, but he reportedly had a bit of trouble appealing to the average Texan. To help with that, the Democratic Party sent in Minnesota Governor Tim Walz to give him "not acting gay"…
Google Searches For Military School Skyrocket Ten Minutes Into Summer Vacation
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA — Search engine giant Google released data this week showing that searches for "military schools near me" skyrocketed about ten minutes into the first day of summer vacation.
Elizabeth Warren Vows New Tax On Puppies
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Arizona Senator Elizabeth Warren called for a dramatic change to the U.S. tax code that would apply an additional 90% tax rate on puppies.
Jill Biden Explains She Thought Joe Had A Stroke During Debate, Which Is Why She Left Him Up There To Die
REHOBOTH BEACH, DE — Former First Lady Dr. Jill Biden revealed in an interview that she thought her husband Joe was having a stroke during the 2024 Presidential debate, which is why she left him up on stage to die.
Family Hit Hard By Rising Cost Of Necessities Like Gas, Groceries, Netflix, DoorDash, Discount Wine Club, Pie-Of-The-Month Subscription
KANSAS CITY, KS — With economic concerns still growing across the United States, one local family explained that they feel they have been hit especially hard by the price of necessities like gas, groceries, Netflix, DoorDash, Discount Wine Club, and their Pie-of-the-Month subscription, and other basic essentials.