WASHINGTON, D.C. — The geopolitical balance of power appeared to experience a significant shift this week, as President Donald Trump announced that he had gerrymandered the United States of America to now include Canada.
Babylon Bee
Apostles Quickly Start Acting Pious As They Notice Luke Watching And Taking Notes
PHILIPPI — A palpable change in tone and demeanor exhibited by a pair of traveling preachers was observed today, as the apostles quickly started acting more pious after they noticed their companion, Luke, watching and taking notes.
Man Would Be Awesome Dad If It Weren’t For These Rotten Kids
TREMONTON, UT — Local man Randy Carson encouraged himself this week upon realizing that he’d be the world’s most awesome dad if it weren’t for these rotten kids he has.
Trump Orders Census Takers Not To Count Anyone Wearing A Sombrero
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As part of an initiative to obtain a more accurate count of the nation’s population, President Donald Trump ordered U.S. census takers not to count anyone wearing a sombrero.
Trump Orders Census Takers Not To Count Anyone Wearing Sombrero
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As part of an initiative to obtain a more accurate count of the nation’s population, President Donald Trump ordered U.S. census takers not to count anyone wearing a sombrero.
Historians Warn Hitler Also Once Stood On Roof
BERLIN — Following the unusual incident in which President Donald Trump was spotted taking a walk on top of the White House, a group of historians warned that the infamous leader of Nazi Germany, Adolf Hitler, had also once stood on a roof.
WNBA Warns If You Throw Anything On The Court, You Will Be Forced To Attend 10 More WNBA Games
NEW YORK, NY — In an effort to create a strong deterrent to anyone considering perpetrating any further incidents, the WNBA issued a warning that anyone caught throwing things onto the court would be forced to attend 10 more WNBA games.
Study Finds Possible Connection Between Current Heatwave And Giant Flaming Orb In The Sky
SILVER SPRING, MD — A new study commissioned by the National Weather Service may have found a possible connection between the current heatwave and a giant flaming orb in the sky.
The Bee Explains: Gerrymandering
The American political scene, usually so tranquil and civil, has recently descended into turmoil over something called "gerrymandering." Here is what you need to know about the practice that is tearing us all apart:
Uh-Oh: Trump Just Watched New ‘Superman’ And Now He’s On The Roof With A Red Blanket Tied Around His Neck
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Secret Service remain on full alert following an incident where President Trump saw the new Superman movie and decided to go up on the roof with a red blanket tied around his neck.