With the dawn of artificial intelligence wives, you may be asking yourself: which is better? Artificial intelligence, or the real thing?
Babylon Bee
Trump Announces He Has Acquired Giant Anime Sword In Japanese Trade Deal
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump announced the details of a historic trade deal with Japan on Wednesday through which he has finally acquired a giant anime sword.
Uber To Begin Offering Riders Choice Of Woman Driver Or Good Driver
SAN FRANCISCO, CA. — As a new feature to provide a greater level of optimization and representation, ridesharing giant Uber announced that it will begin offering riders a choice of having a woman driver or a good driver.
Slaves Dutifully Sew ‘Pay Us What You Owe Us’ On Shirts For Professional Athletes
XINJIANG, CHINA — Ahead of warm-ups for the 2025 WNBA All-Star Game, Uyghur slaves were seen dutifully sewing the words "Pay Us What You Owe Us" onto hundreds of shirts.
Disheveled Colbert Seen Holding Up Cardboard Sign ‘Will Yell About Trump For Cash’
NEW YORK, NY — Mere days after CBS announced that it would be discontinuing The Late Show, a disheveled Stephen Colbert was seen on a Manhattan street corner holding up a cardboard sign that read "Will yell about Trump for cash."
Trump To Balance Budget By Introducing Swear Jar For Dems
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump unveiled his plan to balance the federal budget by introducing a nation-wide swear jar for the country’s Democrats.
Man Really Excited For Government To Release All The Government Documentation Of All The Government’s Crimes
FRANKLIN, KY — A local man is really excited for the government to release all the government documentation of all the government’s crimes, according to sources.
Sad Day Ruined By Good Weather
JACKSON, WY — According to reports, local man Norman Jensen was dismayed to discover his sad day had been ruined by good weather.
10 Animals We Should Be More Suspicious Of
There are a lot of animals on this planet, but most of them are pretty boring, and it’s fine to ignore them. Other animals, though, seem like they could be up to no good, and we should really keep an eye on them.
Ozzy Clarifies To St. Peter He Was Just Joking About The Whole Satanism Thing
PEARLY GATES — Rock legend Ozzy Osbourne sought to do away with some of the confusion about his life on Earth when arriving at the entrance to Heaven, clarifying to St. Peter that he was just joking about the whole Satanism thing.