HOLLYWOOD, CA — President Trump has once again been snubbed for his iconic role in Home Alone 2: Lost in New York.
Babylon Bee
Holes In 7-Year-Old’s Game Exposed As Dad Delivers Epic Beatdown
CANYON, TX – Local seven-year-old Brayden Rogers got totally exposed this afternoon as he suffered an embarrassing hoops beatdown against his father.
Bill Clinton Selflessly Volunteers To Help Short-Staffed TSA With Pat Downs
CHAPPAQUA, NY — With TSA suffering severe staffing shortages amid a halt in pay, former President Bill Clinton has volunteered to lend a hand patting down passengers.
FBI Wondering If Swearing Allegiance To ISIS Might Be Slight Red Flag
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the wake of another domestic terrorist attack this past week at Old Dominion, the FBI began wondering if perhaps a person swearing allegiance to ISIS might be a sort of red flag.
‘Merely A Flesh Wound!’ Says Legless Torso Of Iranian Ayatollah
TEHRAN — The legless torso of newly-appointed Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei assured the world that the loss of his legs in battle was "just a flesh wound".
Protestant Quarterback Throws Beautiful Hail Christ Alone Pass
SAN DIEGO, CA — A local protestant quarterback in a competitive amateur spring league made waves this week after throwing a beautiful Hail Christ Alone pass for the game-winning touchdown.
Man’s 47-minute Video Of Son’s Pee Wee Soccer Game Snubbed For Oscar
PHOENIX, AZ — Local dad Ben Grant was disappointed to learn that the 47-minute-long video he took of his 5-year-old son’s pee wee soccer game was snubbed for any consideration at the Oscars this year.
Unpaid TSA Agent Still Showing Up To Grope People For Love Of The Game
DENVER, CO — Despite the partial government shutdown, one unpaid TSA agent is still showing up to grope people at the airport for the pure love of the game.
Tragedy: Liberal Gets Stabbed Before Finishing Telling People How Peaceful Islam Is
LONDON — Authorities closed off a section of Barking Road in East Ham on Friday following the death of a liberal man who was stabbed to death before he had a chance to finish telling everyone how peaceful Islam is.
Oh No: Why Did The Worship Leader Bring An Accordion Onto The Stage?
BREA, CA — Church members were reportedly aghast when, during a routine worship service, the worship leader brought an accordion onto the stage.