U.S. — According to sources, Bluesky user @stephan34.bsky.social was banned for violating the social media platform’s terms of service by not violently threatening Vice President JD Vance.
Babylon Bee
‘I Don’t Know If America Should Be Involved In Another Middle Eastern War,’ Says Raging Antisemite
SAN DIEGO, CA — A local man expressed mild concern about the U.S. getting involved in another Middle Eastern War, forever exposing himself as a vile, raging antisemite.
‘Israel Has The Right To Defend Itself,’ Says Pro-War Neocon Zionist Shill
OGDEN, UT — A local man callously expressed support for the state of Israel being allowed to defend itself, forever exposing himself as a pro-war, neocon, Zionist shill.
Technical Foul? WNBA Players Use Caitlin Clark’s Head As A Ball
INDIANAPOLIS, IN — Concerns over the harsh treatment endured by the league’s brightest and most popular star grew last night, as WNBA players used Caitlin Clark’s head as a ball for several minutes of play.
Democrats Confused On What Exactly Children Are For If You Can’t Mutilate Or Kill Them
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the wake of the Supreme Court ruling today that states could outlaw mutilating kids, Democrats were left wondering what else kids were good for.
Do You Have Low Testosterone? Look For These Warning Signs
Scientists have confirmed that testosterone levels are falling every generation, but how do you know if you have low T? Here are eleven warning signs to watch out for:
Ted Cruz Destroyed In Interview As He’s Unable To Name Ayatollah’s Favorite Starter Pokemon
U.S. — In an explosive new interview, Tucker Carlson laid into Senator Ted Cruz for not knowing the name of the Iranian Ayatollah’s favorite starter Pokémon.
Canada Continues Time-Honored Tradition Of Being Worse Than The USA At Everything
SUNRISE, FL — Residents of The Great White North exploded into celebration once again last night, as Canada continued its time-honored tradition of being worse than the United States at everything.
Ayatollah Reveals Big Surprise Was How Much He Saved On Car Insurance By Switching To GEICO
TEHRAN — With the world wondering last night what would come of Iran’s ominous warnings, the Ayatollah revealed today the "surprise that would be remembered for centuries" was how much he had saved on car insurance by switching to GEICO.
British Doctor Arrested For Misgendering Baby He Just Murdered
LONDON — Local obstetrician Doctor Roger Davidson was arrested this morning after he allegedly misgendered the baby he just finished killing.