U.S. — CNN reported this morning that several Japanese teenagers traveled to Hawaii for what could have been a lovely day at the beach.
Babylon Bee
Iran Warns U.S. It Has Huge Stockpile Of Supreme Leaders
TEHRAN — Amid rumors that the newly chosen Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei had been injured in an airstrike, the Iranian regime issued a statement warning the U.S. that it had a huge stockpile of supreme leaders.
8 Powerful Ways To Elevate Women On International Women’s Day
If you missed celebrating International Women’s Day yesterday, it’s not too late to solemnly observe it in a variety of meaningful ways.
Europe Under Persistent Delusion Anyone Cares What It Thinks
BRUSSELS — As all eyes around the globe remained fixed on the ongoing U.S.-Iran conflict, leaders gathered for an important summit in a clear display that Europe remained under its persistent delusion that anyone cares what it thinks.
Mamdani Clarifies That His Wife Only Celebrates Terrorism In Her Capacity As A Private Citizen
NEW YORK, NY — Mayor Zohram Mandani called a press conference on Monday to clarify that his wife only celebrates the actions and mission of terrorists in her capacity as a private citizen.
David French Praises Satan As ‘Most Christian Person In History’
CHICAGO, IL — Political commentator and columnist for The New York Times David French praised Satan on Monday, calling the great red dragon the most Christian person in history.
Iran Boasts It Has Destroyed Hundreds Of US Missiles With Its Buildings
TEHRAN — As the conflict in the Middle East stretched into a second week, the Iranian government issued a public statement boasting that it had destroyed hundreds of U.S. missiles with its buildings.
Obama Library To Feature Interactive Exhibit Where Visitors Can Print Their Own Birth Certificates
CHICAGO, IL — According to early reviews, the new Obama Presidential Center boasts an exciting interactive exhibit for all ages where guests can make their own birth certificate.
Mamdani Condemns New Yorkers For Making Muslims Throw Bombs At Them
NEW YORK CITY — Mayor Zohran Mamdani has strongly condemned New Yorkers for making Muslims throw improvised explosive devices at them.
Newly-Unemployed Dan Crenshaw Joins Crew Of ‘Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything’
HOUSTON, TX — Out of a job after his primary defeat, Dan Crenshaw has officially joined up with the crew of the infamous "Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything."