In light of the recent heightened state of affairs stemming from threats around the globe, The Babylon Bee would like to take the opportunity to alert President Donald Trump that the Los Angeles Dodgers have obtained nuclear weapons.
Babylon Bee
Board Game Rules Explanation Developing Into Hostage Situation
RIVERSIDE, CA — Responding law enforcement agencies reported this afternoon that an ongoing board game rules explanation had developed into a critical hostage situation.
Wise Trump Suggests Cutting The Temple Mount In Half
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Continuing his quest to bring peace to the Middle East and permanently quell hostilities between Jews and Muslims, President Donald Trump wisely suggested cutting the Temple Mount in half.
Depressed Man Never Considered Just Not Being Depressed
RANCHO CUCAMONGA, CA — Local depressed man Jason Timberleaf admitted Tuesday that he had never considered solving his predicament by just not being depressed.
9 Creative Ways To Achieve Peace In The Middle East
Despite America’s incredible efforts, the Middle East is once again exploding, with peace in the volatile region seemingly as elusive ever. But take heart! Here are nine creative ways that we can actually achieve true and lasting peace in the Middle East:
Man, A Sandwich Would Hit So Hard Right Now
Iran Starting To Regret Putting ‘Ol’ Blind Mohammed’ In Charge Of Aiming All The Missiles
TEHRAN — As yet another massive bombing attack from Israeli forces rained down on the Iranian capital after the most recent failed wave of retaliatory strikes, sources said the leadership of Iran had started to regret putting "ol’ Blind Mohammed" in charge of aiming all the missiles.
Satan Holds ‘No King Of Kings’ Rally
HELL — The serpent of old, who is called the devil and Satan, held a controversial "No King of Kings" rally for the damned on Saturday.
After Deportations, Mexican Restaurants Forced To Replace Mariachi Bands With Barbershop Quartets
U.S. — The fallout of mass deportations continues to be felt across the country, as Mexican restaurants are being forced to replace mariachi bands with barbershop quartets.
10 New Amendments The Constitution Desperately Needs
Any founding document written in the 1700s could use a little updating, no? Yes, there may have been amendments over the years, but not nearly as many as the country needs.