WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following the recent political violence in Minnesota, Democrats have come forward to urge all Americans to avoid inflamed, violent rhetoric unless it’s against Trump, the next Hitler who must be stopped at all costs.
Babylon Bee
Liberal Parents Devastated After Finding JK Rowling’s Books Hidden Under Kid’s Bed
DENVER, CO — Liberal parents Krystle and Gary Brennson were devastated yesterday by the discovery of a secret stash of JK Rowling’s books underneath the bed of their teenager, Grypheni (they/them).
Expository Preacher Honors Father’s Day By Just Preaching The Same Passage He Was Gonna Preach Anyway
CHINO HILLS, CA — While other churches featured topical sermons related to Father’s Day, the pastor at Reformed Associate Presbyterian Assembly Church chose to just preach the same passage he was going to preach anyway, just as he does every Sunday.
San Francisco Protesters Spell Out ‘No Kings’ With Sidewalk Poop
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — In an inspiring display of solidarity to voice their opposition to President Donald Trump’s policies, San Francisco protesters spelled out "No Kings" with sidewalk feces.
In Solidarity With Protestors, Burger King Changes Name To ‘Burger Democratically Elected Leader’
MIAMI, FL — In light of last weekend’s string of "No King" protests, the Burger King Corporation has resolved to change its name to Burger Democratically Elected Leader.
Do You Have Experience In Nuclear Engineering? Check Out These Exciting New Job Openings In Iran
TEHRAN — Any qualified individuals or eager recent college graduates looking for work in the field of nuclear engineering will be happy to know that there are exciting opportunities that have just recently opened up in Iran.
Israelites Protest Prophet Samuel With ‘Yes Kings’ Rally
RAMAH — A large crowd of disgruntled people from multiple tribes marched publicly through the streets today, as mobs of angry Israelites protested the prophet Samuel with a "Yes Kings" rally.
‘Trump Is A King!’ Say People Freely Protesting In A Free Country
U.S. — Thousands of free Americans gathered in cities across the country today to lament their lack of freedom by holding rallies while shouting "Trump is a king!" and exercising their right to freely protest in a free country.
Unclear If Crowd Of 50,000 Rowdy Illegals Is ICE Protest Or Dodgers Game
LOS ANGELES, CA — Unrest continued into the start of a new week today, with authorities saying it was unclear if a crowd of 50,000 rowdy illegal aliens was an anti-ICE protest or just a Los Angeles Dodgers game.
Trump Disappointed Army Parade Won’t Have A Giant Snoopy Balloon
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As preparations continued for this weekend’s celebration, President Trump expressed disappointment that tomorrow’s army parade would not include a giant Snoopy balloon.