U.S. — The American Society of Plastic Surgeons has officially recommended that surgeons stop doing those gender surgeries on minors that absolutely no one was doing.
Babylon Bee
‘The Injuns Are A-Comin!’ Cries Billie Eilish Loading Musket To Defend Home From Tribe Of Redskins
LOS ANGELES, CA — According to sources, American singer-songwriter Billie Eilish successfully defended her land from members of the Tonga Tribe, an indigenous people native to the LA basin, who claim her home is built on their land.
Minecraft Introduces Peaceful Protesters And OH NO THEY’VE BURNED DOWN THE VILLAGE
REDMOND, WA — Peaceful social justice leaders have come to the world of Minecraft to educate gamers about peaceful resistance as a means to fight for equal rights among the marginalized and OH NO! THEY BURNED DOWN THE VILLAGE!
Toddler Review: The Slide Is A Stunning Thrill Ride Whose Delights Never Cease
On a lovely jaunt to the playground this morning, I encountered a most breathtaking and addictive creation known simply as a "slide".
Man Surprised To Find Out He Has A Podcast
DALLAS, TX — One local man’s life took an unexpected turn this week, after he was surprised to learn that he had a podcast.
‘UNO: Even More Brutal Edition’ Comes With Card That SWATs Your Family Members And Has Them Arrested On False Charges
U.S. — Mattel has announced the release of "Uno: Even More Brutal Edition" which will include cards that SWAT family members and have them arrested on bogus federal charges.
Suspicious: Voter ID Bill Defeated In Senate By Vote Of 7 Million To 53
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Suspicions arose in Congress after a bill to require voter ID failed in the Senate by a vote of 7 million to 53.
Awesome New Streaming Service Records Movie Streams Onto Cool Shiny Discs And You Can Buy Them And Own Them Forever
U.S. — Entertainment fanatics will soon have something revolutionary to look forward to, as an awesome new streaming service will record movie streams onto shiny discs and give consumers the opportunity to buy them and own them forever.
Experts Conclude No Human Being Is Illegal, Except Jeff?
U.S. — In a startling turn of events, experts confirmed a statement made by Billie Eilish at the Grammys when she said that no one is illegal on stolen land. However, the experts did make a specific exception singling out Jeff.
Here Are 12 Fun Crimes You Can Get Away With If You Just Say ‘We Are On Stolen Land’
Stolen land is all the rage in the news lately. These days, everyone gets a free pass to do as many fun crimes as they want on land swiped from indigenous peoples, as long as they keep pointing out that the land was stolen.