Being a preacher is a thankless job. You do your best to "rightly divide the Word of Truth" each week, but no one pays attention. But it’s not their fault, it’s yours. In all likelihood, you’re making one of ten common, and sometimes deadly, mistakes.
Babylon Bee
Hero: Bernie Sanders Buys Another House To Make Sure The Rich People Don’t Get All Of Them
BURLINGTON, VT — In a heroic move that sacrificed his own resources, Senator Bernie Sanders announced that he had bought yet another house to make sure the rich people don’t get all of them.
What You Should Know About The New Pope
With the election of Pope Leo XIV, millions of people — including some Catholics — were left looking for information about him to provide insight into how he might lead the Church.
Bernie Sanders Unveils His New Gold-Encrusted ‘Beat The Oligarchy’ Dirigible
U.S. — In the latest step in his quest to lead working-class Americans to overthrow the elite billionaire ruling class, Senator Bernie Sanders unveiled a gold-encrusted "Beat the Oligarchy" dirigible he would use to tour the country.
10 Reasons Republicans In Congress Haven’t Gotten Around To Defunding Planned Parenthood Yet
The new Republican-controlled Congress is now in its fifth month, leaving millions of people who voted for them wondering when they might get around to… maybe… accomplishing some of the important things they campaigned on, like defunding popular baby-murder corporation Planned Parenthood.
Eagle Firing AR-15 Emerges From Vatican Indicating An American Pope Has Been Selected
VATICAN — In an aerial display that delighted millions, the Vatican conclave released a bald eagle firing an AR-15 into the air to signal that an American pope had been selected.
JD Vance Already Making Plans To Kill New Pope
U.S. — In the minutes following the announcement of Chicago Cardinal Robert F. Prevost as the new Pope, Vice President Vance has reportedly already begun making plans to kill him.
Catholics Frantically Google New Pope To See If He’s Catholic
BREAKING: Smoke Has Risen From Buc-ee’s Indicating Fresh Brisket Is On The Board
WACO, TX — The gathered crowds broke out into deafening cheers as smoke rose from Buc-ee’s this afternoon, indicating fresh brisket was on the board.
Fox News Calls Papacy For Joe Biden
U.S. — Fox News has announced that it is ready to officially project the winner of the papacy, calling the conclave for Joe Biden.