NEW YORK, NY — Democratic Party strategists were thrilled this week after they stumbled upon an innovative new strategy of winning elections by promising free stuff to stupid people.
Babylon Bee
Ayatollah Proudly Announces Iran Has Destroyed 14 Bunker Buster Bombs With Its Nuclear Facilities
TEHRAN — Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini declared a resounding victory over the United States and Israel after Iran destroyed 14 American bunker buster bombs with its nuclear facilities.
Defeated Cuomo Left Groping For Answers
NEW YORK CITY — After suffering a shocking defeat to a previously little-known socialist, former governor Andrew Cuomo was left groping for answers as to where it all went wrong.
Church Warns Of Impending Shortage Of Sweet White-Haired Ladies That Give You Peppermints
FORT WAYNE, IN — An ecumenical gathering of pastors and laity recently warned that the church in America now faces an impending shortage of sweet, elderly white-haired ladies that give you peppermints.
CNN: Hiroshima ‘Barely Set Back’ By Atomic Bomb
U.S. — CNN has obtained a classified briefing revealing that the city of Hiroshima was "barely affected" after being hit by an atomic bomb.
9 Hardest Parts Of Pregnancy For Husbands
Trump’s Christian Faith Questioned As He Didn’t Say ‘Fudge’
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Donald Trump’s devout Christian faith is being called into question following an interaction with the press where he used a curse word instead of saying "fudge."
Mamdani Vows To Knock Down World Trade Center To Build More Affordable Housing
NEW YORK CITY — Zohran Mamdani, winner of New York City’s mayoral Democratic primary, has vowed to knock down the One World Trade Center in order to build more affordable housing.
Hamas Claims Responsibility For NYC Mayoral Primary
NEW YORK — The Hamas terrorist organization has claimed responsibility for the results of last night’s mayoral primary in New York City.
Get A Load Of This Dweeb Who Still Thinks We Care About What The Constitution Says
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Get a load of this total dweeb of a congressman who still thinks we care about what the Constitution says.