EDGARTOWN, MA — With the news that the U.S. military had carried out a successful bombing operation in Iran over the weekend, former President Barack Obama was reportedly distraught that President Donald Trump had bombed the cool nuke factory he had paid for.
Babylon Bee
Americans Surprised To Learn We Weren’t Already Bombing Iran
U.S. — As President Donald Trump announced that the U.S. military had engaged in a bombing attack on Iranian nuclear sites, Americans across the country were surprised to learn that we weren’t already bombing Iran.
Pathetic Excuse For Disciple Fails To Get Single Epistle Into Bible
WORLD — The sorry excuse for a disciple known as "Saint Bartholomew" died without having penned a single epistle that would make it into the Bible.
Report: Toby Keith Smiling Down From Heaven
HEAVEN — Sources confirmed that Toby Keith smiled his biggest grin today as he watched American B-2 bombers rain down bunker buster bombs on Iran.
What Are The Deeply Buried Sins In Your Heart You Need Jesus To Drop A Bunker Buster On? – Op-Ed By Chet Skatington
Alright, fam. You may have heard in the news that Iran has this nuke factory buried so far underground, only a bunker buster can reach it. There’s this evil that’s way down deep, but no one there has the power to root it out. They need someone else…
To Calm Everyone Down, Here Is A Picture Of A Bagel You Cannot Possibly Argue About
We at the Babylon Bee have seen the rage and consternation caused by some of our jokes this week. In order to help everyone take a deep breath and relax, we are simply posting this picture of a bagel that no one could possibly argue about.
4D Chess: Trump Announces He Will Begin Deporting One Illegal For Every Run The Dodgers Score
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the wake of the Los Angeles Dodgers actively opposing the deportation of illegal immigrants, President Trump announced today that he will begin deporting one illegal for every run the Dodgers score.
Guy Who Can’t Settle Dispute Between His Toddlers Pretty Sure He Has This Israel-Iran Thing Solved
GRANDVIEW, MO — A local father who spent the entire day failing to settle a dispute between his toddlers later expressed supreme confidence on social media that he had the entire Israel-Iran conflict solved.
Tired Man Drinks Coffee So He Can Feel Both Tired And Irritable
GREEN BAY, WI — In preparation for an early work day, local man David Miles drank a cup of coffee so that, in addition to feeling tired, he could also be irritable.
Man Very Particular About Which Version Of The Bible He Buys And Doesn’t Read
PRINCETON, NJ — Sources close to Jason Newman reported that the 46-year-old had become increasingly picky over which version of the Bible he would buy and not read.