WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democrats were outraged by an appeals court ruling that permitted the Commander in Chief of the United States Armed Forces to command the armed forces.
Babylon Bee
Iran Clarifies Its New ‘Jew Smasher 3000’ Missile Is Meant Only For Peace
TEHRAN — The Islamic Republic of Iran addressed concerns over the recent acquisition of a brand new ballistic missile called the "Jew Smasher 3000" with a spokesman for the regime insisting that the missile is intended to be used for only peaceful purposes.
Texan Republicans Tip Off State Department That Austin Has Nuclear Weapons
WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to sources within the Trump administration, Texas Republicans tipped off the State Department about the city of Austin being in possession of nuclear weapons.
Democrats Announce They Will Celebrate Juneteenth By Giving Their Slaves An Extra 5-Minute Break
U.S. — Democrats across the country announced that they would be celebrating the Juneteenth holiday by giving their slaves an extra 5-minute break during the day.
User Kicked Off Bluesky For Not Violently Threatening JD Vance
U.S. — According to sources, Bluesky user @stephan34.bsky.social was banned for violating the social media platform’s terms of service by not violently threatening Vice President JD Vance.
‘I Don’t Know If America Should Be Involved In Another Middle Eastern War,’ Says Raging Antisemite
SAN DIEGO, CA — A local man expressed mild concern about the U.S. getting involved in another Middle Eastern War, forever exposing himself as a vile, raging antisemite.
‘Israel Has The Right To Defend Itself,’ Says Pro-War Neocon Zionist Shill
OGDEN, UT — A local man callously expressed support for the state of Israel being allowed to defend itself, forever exposing himself as a pro-war, neocon, Zionist shill.
Technical Foul? WNBA Players Use Caitlin Clark’s Head As A Ball
INDIANAPOLIS, IN — Concerns over the harsh treatment endured by the league’s brightest and most popular star grew last night, as WNBA players used Caitlin Clark’s head as a ball for several minutes of play.
Democrats Confused On What Exactly Children Are For If You Can’t Mutilate Or Kill Them
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the wake of the Supreme Court ruling today that states could outlaw mutilating kids, Democrats were left wondering what else kids were good for.
Do You Have Low Testosterone? Look For These Warning Signs
Scientists have confirmed that testosterone levels are falling every generation, but how do you know if you have low T? Here are eleven warning signs to watch out for: