TEHRAN — As yet another massive bombing attack from Israeli forces rained down on the Iranian capital after the most recent failed wave of retaliatory strikes, sources said the leadership of Iran had started to regret putting "ol’ Blind Mohammed" in charge of aiming all the missiles.
Babylon Bee
Satan Holds ‘No King Of Kings’ Rally
HELL — The serpent of old, who is called the devil and Satan, held a controversial "No King of Kings" rally for the damned on Saturday.
After Deportations, Mexican Restaurants Forced To Replace Mariachi Bands With Barbershop Quartets
U.S. — The fallout of mass deportations continues to be felt across the country, as Mexican restaurants are being forced to replace mariachi bands with barbershop quartets.
10 New Amendments The Constitution Desperately Needs
Any founding document written in the 1700s could use a little updating, no? Yes, there may have been amendments over the years, but not nearly as many as the country needs.
Democrats Urge People To Stop Inflammatory Rhetoric Unless It’s Against Trump, The Next Hitler Who Must Be Stopped Now
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following the recent political violence in Minnesota, Democrats have come forward to urge all Americans to avoid inflamed, violent rhetoric unless it’s against Trump, the next Hitler who must be stopped at all costs.
Liberal Parents Devastated After Finding JK Rowling’s Books Hidden Under Kid’s Bed
DENVER, CO — Liberal parents Krystle and Gary Brennson were devastated yesterday by the discovery of a secret stash of JK Rowling’s books underneath the bed of their teenager, Grypheni (they/them).
Expository Preacher Honors Father’s Day By Just Preaching The Same Passage He Was Gonna Preach Anyway
CHINO HILLS, CA — While other churches featured topical sermons related to Father’s Day, the pastor at Reformed Associate Presbyterian Assembly Church chose to just preach the same passage he was going to preach anyway, just as he does every Sunday.
San Francisco Protesters Spell Out ‘No Kings’ With Sidewalk Poop
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — In an inspiring display of solidarity to voice their opposition to President Donald Trump’s policies, San Francisco protesters spelled out "No Kings" with sidewalk feces.
In Solidarity With Protestors, Burger King Changes Name To ‘Burger Democratically Elected Leader’
MIAMI, FL — In light of last weekend’s string of "No King" protests, the Burger King Corporation has resolved to change its name to Burger Democratically Elected Leader.
Do You Have Experience In Nuclear Engineering? Check Out These Exciting New Job Openings In Iran
TEHRAN — Any qualified individuals or eager recent college graduates looking for work in the field of nuclear engineering will be happy to know that there are exciting opportunities that have just recently opened up in Iran.