RAMAH — A large crowd of disgruntled people from multiple tribes marched publicly through the streets today, as mobs of angry Israelites protested the prophet Samuel with a "Yes Kings" rally.
Babylon Bee
‘Trump Is A King!’ Say People Freely Protesting In A Free Country
U.S. — Thousands of free Americans gathered in cities across the country today to lament their lack of freedom by holding rallies while shouting "Trump is a king!" and exercising their right to freely protest in a free country.
Unclear If Crowd Of 50,000 Rowdy Illegals Is ICE Protest Or Dodgers Game
LOS ANGELES, CA — Unrest continued into the start of a new week today, with authorities saying it was unclear if a crowd of 50,000 rowdy illegal aliens was an anti-ICE protest or just a Los Angeles Dodgers game.
Trump Disappointed Army Parade Won’t Have A Giant Snoopy Balloon
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As preparations continued for this weekend’s celebration, President Trump expressed disappointment that tomorrow’s army parade would not include a giant Snoopy balloon.
Global Community Condemns Israel For Attacking Peace-Loving Nation Of Iran
WORLD — With the outbreak of open hostilities between the two long-running enemy countries, the global community condemned Israel for launching devastating airstrikes against the famously peace-loving nation of Iran.
Democrat Senator Assaults Officers In Violent Insurrection
LOS ANGELES, CA — Democracy itself came under attack once again today, as a Democrat senator was arrested after assaulting law enforcement officers in what appeared to be an attempted violent insurrection.
10 More Things Gavin Newsom Blames On President Trump
California Governor Gavin Newsom called out President Trump this week, placing the blame for the ongoing Los Angeles immigration riots squarely on his shoulders. But he’s not stopping there. According to Newsom, Trump is to blame for so much more.
Libertarian Torn Between Investing In Shiny Rocks Or Magic Computer Coins
KNOXVILLE, TN — Local Libertarian Steve Kocot was unsure about how best to invest his money and was torn between investing in shiny rocks or some of those newfangled magic computer coins.
Dad Physically Unable To Drive By Cows Without Saying ‘Hey, Kids, Look — Cows’
BOULDER, CO — Sources closest to 40-year-old Jay Brennan reported that the local dad was physically unable to drive by cows without saying, "Hey, kids, look — cows."
Pope Leo Pronounces Another 100-Year Curse On The Chicago Cubs
VATICAN CITY — Exercising his authority as Supreme Pontiff of the Roman Catholic Church, newly-elected Pope Leo XIV pronounced another 100-year curse on the Chicago Cubs.