STOCKTON, CA — According to sources, local wife Sue Page is beginning to suspect that her husband’s thoughtful and relevant responses to her texts might be A.I. generated.
Babylon Bee
Canada Surpasses California As State With Most Liberal Governor
OTTAWA — The status quo among America’s red and blue states was shaken up last night, as with the election of Mark Carney, Canada officially surpassed California as the state with the most liberal governor.
Women Shocked To Learn Pill Designed To Murder Babies Might Not Be Safe
SEATTLE — Women across the country have been shocked to learn that mifepristone and misoprostol, pills designed to murder babies in the womb, might not be all that safe.
With No Pope to Oversee Them, Cardinals Stay Up All Night Playing Goldeneye And Building Pillow Forts
VATICAN CITY — With no pope to oversee them, the College of Cardinals has been staying up every night playing Goldeneye 007 and building pillow forts, according to Vatican insiders.
Democrats Hold Candlelight Vigil In Front Of Illegal Immigrant Mug Shots
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Congressional leaders held a solemn ceremony in the nation’s capital today, as Democratic senators arrived at the White House to hold a candlelight vigil in front of migrant gang mug shots.
Trump Issues New Striped Robes For Federal Judges
U.S. — Members of the judiciary were revealed to be sporting a new look, as President Donald Trump issued new striped robes to be worn by federal judges.
Joe Biden Arrested For Harboring 11 Million Illegal Aliens
REHOBOTH BEACH, DE — Former President Joe Biden was placed under arrest today for harboring just over eleven million illegal immigrants.
Behold! New Babylon Bee Merch Has Arrived
Glad tidings! Your favorite fake news outlet just loaded up its store with BRAND NEW merch, and it’s all guaranteed 100% tariff free.
Trump Stuns Pope Funeral Attendees With Breathtaking Rendition Of ‘Ave Maria’
VATICAN CITY — In a stirring tribute to Pope Francis, President Donald Trump took to the microphone during the pontiff’s funeral services and stunned attendees by singing a gorgeous, captivating a capella rendition of "Ave Maria".
Shedeur Sanders Drafted By McDonald’s In 3rd Round
GREEN BAY, WI — After free falling out of the first two rounds, Shedeur Sanders finally heard his name called as McDonald’s drafted him in the third round as a fry cook.