LANGLEY, VA — Rumors swirled throughout the international intelligence community this week after reports surfaced that agents from the Central Intelligence Agency had carried out a surprise raid of the Central Intelligence Agency.
Babylon Bee
Keir Starmer Admits He Has No Idea How To Pronounce His Own Name
LONDON — Prime Minister Keir Starmer, amidst calls for his immediate resignation, sheepishly admitted to having no idea how to pronounce his own name.
Gross: California Prison Inmates Caught Using IPads To Watch San Francisco Giants Games
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Disturbing reports out of the San Francisco County Detention Center revealed that inmates were using their iPad access to watch the San Francisco Giants.
Mechanic Has No Idea How Dodge Caravan Still Running
TEMPE, AZ — After taking a look under the hood of the Barton family’s Dodge Caravan, local mechanic Terry Ricks admitted that he has absolutely no clue how the van was still functioning.
Conservative Too Exhausted To Form Opinion On Thomas Massie
HOUSTON, TX — Local conservative Brady Jones admitted to friends this week that he was just too tired of political drama to have an opinion about whatever is going on with Kentucky Representative Thomas Massie.
Man Helpfully Points Out To Wife That She Looks Tired
TOPEKA, KS — Local hero Greg Miller was praised this week for his keen observation skills after courageously informing his wife, Sarah, that she looked "tired."
Faux Pas: Trump Gifts President Xi With Pot Of Honey From White House Beehive
BEIJING — President Donald Trump’s meeting with Chinese President Xi Jinping was going swimmingly until Trump made a crucial (but common) error: gifting Xi a large jar of honey from the White House beehive.
Study Determines Reason Kids Failing At Math Is Because They No Longer Play ‘Math Blaster’
U.S. — The results of a groundbreaking new study appear to show that the reason today’s children routinely struggle with mathematics is because they no longer play computer games from the bestselling Math Blaster! franchise.
‘Spencer Pratt’s Rhetoric Is Dangerous,’ Warns Karen Bass To The 30 Angelenos Who Haven’t Been Stabbed To Death By Hobos
LOS ANGELES, CA — Mayor Karen Bass struck back at mayoral candidate Spencer Pratt on Wednesday, warning the surviving Angelenos who hadn’t been stabbed to death by a hobo that his rhetoric was dangerous.
Too Far? Christopher Nolan Casts Steve Buscemi As Helen Of Troy
U.S. — In a move that even some within the entertainment industry are branding as "too far", director Christopher Nolan has cast actor Steve Buscemi as Helen of Troy.