It can be hard to know what to say to a pregnant lady, especially when you’re the man she’s depending on for love and support. Fear not, gentlemen.
Babylon Bee
Sunday School Kid Had Different Expectations For Sword Drills
ABILENE, TX — Local 8-year-old Caden Maxwell came home from Sunday School sorely disappointed that "Sword Drills" turned out to be far different than what he expected.
Pete Hegseth Bans Women From Playing Any Class Other Than Healer In Video Games
QUANTICO, VA — While delivering remarks at Marine Corps Base Quantico, Secretary of War Pete Hegseth made the surprise announcement that all women would henceforth be banned from playing any class in a video game other than "healer."
Death Row Inmates Across The Country Put In Requests For All-Female Execution Teams
U.S. — Death row inmates all across the United States reportedly placed urgent requests to have their executions performed by all-female teams.
Here’s How ‘The New York Times’ Reported 9 Historic Attacks
The New York Times is a staple of the American newspaper industry, which is impressive considering it has a reputation for not reporting news. It’s recent treatment of the attempting terrorist hijacking of a Flydubai jet story is only the latest example.
FlyDubai Hijacker Lands New Job At British Airways
HARMONDSWORTH — Following the harrowing ordeal aboard flight FZ 1073 to Tel Aviv, in which he was subdued by passengers while attempting a violent terrorist attack, the FlyDubai hijacker has reportedly already landed a new job at British Airways.
Starbucks Workers Freeze In Awestruck Wonder As Man Orders Something Called A ‘Black Coffee’
PUEBLO, CO — Stunned Starbucks workers completely froze up in apparent awestruck wonder as local 39-year-old man Nathan Almes ordered a mysterious beverage called a "black coffee," sources confirmed Thursday morning.
King Solomon Asks 1,000 Wives And Concubines If There Is Anything To Charges That He Is A Patriarchal Misogynist
JERUSALEM — King Solomon held court with his 700 wives and 300 concubines to ask whether or not there is anything to the charges he is a patriarchal misogynist.
Delta To Remove All Electrical Systems From Planes After Learning Elon’s Teslas Run On Electricity
ATLANTA, GA — Delta executives announced this week that they would be removing all electrical systems from their airplanes after learning Elon Musk’s Tesla cars also run on electricity.
UK Terror Suspects Back In Custody After Sharing Meme
GLOUCESTERSHIRE — A group of Muslim men released by authorities earlier this week were back in custody today after police received reports that the men had shared a meme online.