LOS ANGELES, CA — In a stunning move to further bolster an already imposing starting lineup, the Los Angeles Dodgers announced shortly before Monday afternoon’s trade deadline that the club had officially acquired Kal-El of Krypton.
Babylon Bee
James Talarico Tells Us His 9 Favorite Bible Verses
You may think you know the Bible, but boy does Texas Senate candidate James Talarico have news for you. There are so many incredible truths hidden in Scripture that Talarico has discovered, and it’s his great delight to share those with the world.
WNBA Coaches Stumped As To What The ‘W’ Stands For
INDIANAPOLIS, IN — Coaches across the WNBA spoke to members of the press this week and admitted that they had no idea what the "W" in WNBA stands for.
Dad Tells Son He Can’t Play Catch Right Now As He’s Busy Owning Some Loser On The Internet
TUCSON, AZ — Local father Mark Howell told his son this week that he couldn’t come play catch with him because someone was saying something dumb online that needed immediate attention.
Democrats Express Concern Over Increase In Gun Violence Against Active Shooters
U.S. — Democratic leaders expressed deep concern about the growing scourge of gun violence against active shooters.
Man Checks Which Propositions The Teachers Union Supports So He Knows What To Vote Against
PORTLAND, OR — Local man Dave McMillan devised a foolproof way to determine which propositions he should support on the ballot by researching which initiatives are endorsed by the local teachers union and then voting the exact opposite.
Spain Proudly Announces That Ceuta Is The Fastest-Growing City In The World
MADRID — The Spanish government proudly announced that after a recent demographic change, the city of Ceuta is now the fastest-growing city on the planet.
‘Only Elite Assassins Can Do This,’ Says Candace Owens Of 6-Month-Old Crawling Across Kitchen Floor
NASHVILLE, TN — Podcast host Candace Owens explained to listeners that only the most highly-trained commandos could execute the crawling technique being shown as she played a video of a six-month-old baby inching across the floor.
Man Thinking Maybe He’ll Pass On Islamic Car Show This Year
MIAMI, FL — After a bit of reflection, local man Dave Christensen decided that perhaps it would be best to pass on this year’s Islamic car show.
Maine Dems Explain They Can Either Do ‘No Rape’ Or ‘No Incest’ But Not Both
AUGUSTA, ME — The Democratic Party of Maine explained to voters that they can do "no rape" or "no incest", but not both.