MINNEAPOLIS, MN — A newly released batch of classified government documents revealed aliens had already been present for many years, and they’ve been actively defrauding the Minnesota government out of an estimated $20 billion.
Babylon Bee
‘I Am Your Father,’ Reveals Trump To Horrified Mark Hamill
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Donald Trump called an impromptu press conference in front of the White House this week to deliver a life-changing message to actor Mark Hamill, revealing that he was, in reality, the actor’s father.
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
RICHMOND, VA — In the wake of the Virginia Supreme Court striking down the commonwealth’s redrawn voting map, Democrats proposed a new measure that just makes it illegal for Republicans to vote.
9 Best Times To Watch ‘The Fellowship Of The Ring’
Peter Jackson’s The Fellowship of the Ring is among the best films ever made, but it’s long. Clocking in at almost three hours for the theatrical release (3h 48m for the extended edition), it’s hard to know when the best time to watch it is. Fortunately, we’ve got…
Theologians Now Believe Everyone Gets Their Own G.I. Joe Aircraft Carrier In Heaven
CAMBRIDGE — A paper published by professors at the University of Cambridge affirmed a long-speculated theory about Heaven, that everyone gets their own G.I. Joe Aircraft Carrier toy.
Life Hack: To Save Money On Gas, Buy A Car With Two Steamroller Wheels Made Out Of Stone And Push It With Your Feet
UNITED STATES — Do you feel like you are playing life on hard mode now that gas is $5 a gallon on average across the nation? Experts are now recommending you to try this one simple life hack: go buy one of those cars with two steamroller wheels…
Archeologists Unearth Vuvuzelas Blown By Israelites Outside Walls Of Jericho
JERICHO — Archeologists announced Thursday that they have unearthed a cache of ancient vuvuzelas, believed to have been the "trumpets" used by the Israelites during the collapse of Jericho’s walls.
Archeologists Unearth Vuvuzelas Used To Collapse Walls Of Jericho
JERICHO — Archeologists announced Thursday that they have unearthed a cache of ancient vuvuzelas, believed to have been the "trumpets" used by the Israelites during the collapse of Jericho’s walls.
Dr. Fauci Reports Amazing Results In Gain-Of-Function Research At New Cruise Ship Laboratory
CANARY ISLANDS — Dr. Anthony Fauci announced today that he has achieved a remarkable breakthrough in gain-of-function research at his mobile laboratory aboard a cruise ship.
National Association Of Dogs Announce They Deserve A Little Treat
SILVER SPRING, MD — The National Association of Dogs issued a formal declaration Thursday confirming that they, as a collective, definitely deserve a little treat.