GRAPEVINE, TX — Local toddler Harlan Carter confidently insisted to his mother that he absolutely did not need to go potty before getting in the car for a two-hour drive.
Babylon Bee
What A Noob! This So-Called ‘Pastor’ Didn’t Even Make Each Sermon Point Start With The Same Letter
OWASSO, OK — It was total amateur hour at First Baptist Church of Owasso as so-called "Pastor" Darren Parsons didn’t even make each of his sermon points start with the same letter.
Trump Prepares For Dinner With President Xi By Ordering Servants To Slaughter The Fattened Cat
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In preparation for an historic dinner with Chinese President Xi Jinping, President Donald Trump ordered White House kitchen staff to slaughter the fattened cat.
10 Amazing Heavenly Rewards You’ll Get When People Persecute You For Jesus
The Bible tells us that when you’re a Christian, things can get pretty rough — especially in countries other than the United States. Thankfully, there are some amazing rewards in store for believers who suffer for the Gospel.
To Promote Racial Equity, Nikole Hannah-Jones Abandons Daughter At Crack House
NEW YORK, NY — In a courageous act to promote racial equity in America, New York Times contributor Nikole Hannah-Jones abandoned her young daughter at well-known crack house.
Republicans Not Sure Why Poll Numbers Dropping Despite Doing So Many Wildly Unpopular Things
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Republican leaders are reportedly meeting this week to discuss how their polling could be so terrible ahead of the midterms despite doing so many wildly unpopular things.
Proud Wife Informs Husband How Much Money She Made Today Returning Things To Target
DALLAS, TX — Local husband Max Boyer was reportedly welcomed home Tuesday by his wife, Tiffany, who proudly announced that she had earned $184.50 that afternoon by successfully returning items to Target.
Update: ‘The Babylon Bee’ Now The Only News Outlet Left In America With White House Credentials
Several media outlets have officially walked out of the White House Press Corps in solidarity with CNN, MS NOW, and Politico after President Trump banned them from the premises. Now, The Babylon Bee is in a unique position as the only remaining news outlet with White House credentials.
Ms. Rachel Announces Herbie The Puppet Has Joined Hamas As A Child Soldier
NEW YORK, NY — In a very special new episode of her popular YouTube children’s program, content creator Ms. Rachel announced that her beloved sidekick, Herbie the puppet, had joined Hamas as a child soldier.
Iranian President Addresses UN While Holding A Thermal Detonator
NEW YORK, NY — Fear spread rapidly at today’s session of the General Assembly as, in a tense moment, the Iranian president addressed the United Nations while holding a thermal detonator.